So Clear Now
by colormyheartred
Summary: When Killian shows up on Emma's doorstep, the last thing she wants is to take him back home to Misthaven and relive memories of their broken relationship, but it's exactly what she's about to do. modern royalty au.
1. Chapter 1

**an: it's been forever and a day since I've posted anything resembling a fic, so I'm both excited and anxious to embark on this crazy endeavor. Let me know what you think please! I'm posting this against my standard fic writing method so updates might be wildly spaced out if I can't manage to write, but I have had this chapter just sitting on my computer for weeks so I decided to put it out there in hopes that your support might spark my fire. I hope you like this first chapter!**

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one

Emma sits on her sofa, fidgeting with the ring dangling from the chain against her chest. She slips her pointer finger into the golden band and the cool metal slides easily against her skin.

She bites down on her lower lip and glances down at the coffee table where her cell phone sits. She's been waiting for a phone call for a while and hasn't been able to stop fidgeting while she waits.

After a moment of playing with the ring, she slips it back under her shirt and closes her eyes. She doesn't know why she still wears it. The memories the ring brings back to her aren't good ones. Not most of them, anyway.

Emma swallows the lump in her throat and rises from the couch. She skims her fingers down her sides and straightens, sucking in a breath as she glances around her messy apartment.

"No use waiting around for him to call, Emma," she murmurs to herself. "That's not what he does."

Feeling restless, she goes to check in on her sleeping little boy.

His nightlight glows warmly, coloring the night sky onto the ceiling, and when she steps up to his bed, she finds his legs and arms flailed around him like they always are. His hair is ruffled and he breathes in deep and low, a slight whistle accompanying the sound of his breaths because of a recent bout of sickness.

He is the very light in her day and she doesn't think she'd be here today if it weren't for him.

Emma reaches up to brush back his hair and she lowers a gentle kiss to his forehead before slipping out of his bedroom.

She just barely has his door closed when there's a knock at her apartment door. Her heart rams against her ribcage and then falls straight into her gut. Her mouth feels dry and her eyes widen.

Emma crosses the room to the front door. She checks the peephole and as soon as she does, she squeezes her eyes closed before subconsciously reaching between her breasts for the ring that always hangs near her heart.

It takes her a few moments. She stares at the locks on her door and she contemplates hiding or pretending she's sleeping, but the visitor knocks again. This time, with more urgency.

Her eyes feel like watering and she doesn't know what else to do, so she quickly unlocks the door and rips it open.

"Killian? What the hell are you doing here?" Emma asks, her voice much rougher than she'd intended.

He hasn't changed at all, well, minus the facial hair and five years of time apart.

He's dressed in one of his worn tee shirts and jeans, his hair looks run through, and he sports a hesitant smile. There are cuts on his face and stitches against his forehead. He looks a little more than worse for wear. He almost looks like he should still be in the hospital.

Her heart races at the sight of him. He's standing right in front of her. The last time she'd seen him in person, he'd looked so different.

"Hey, Em." Killian's lips curve upward slightly, as if he's regretting the choice he made to come to see her.

All breath is stolen from her lungs for a moment. Just hearing his voice is cause for her goosebumps to pebble up her flesh and she gets nervous butterflies at the sound of her nickname.

No one calls her Em anymore, so hearing it from his lips takes her back to a time where she was younger and more naive. Back when she didn't know heartbreak and pain. Back before the arguments and the identity crises.

Emma hears her phone ringing from somewhere behind her and she shuts her eyes for a moment. It's her mother's ringtone, indicating she has no choice but to answer.

"Come in. I have to get that. It's my mom."

She hurries into her apartment without a glance over her shoulder and scoops her phone up off of the coffee table in her living room.

Her apartment isn't much to write home about, but it's quaint and it suits her needs. Henry likes getting to see all of the cars when he comes and tackles her in her bed every morning. He calls them ants and he likes to pretend he can squish them with his thumb and index fingers pressed together.

The thought of her son reminds her of so many things that need doing and she answers the phone with a quick, "Mom, I can't-"

"Emma, Killian's back."

She sighs heavily, watching as the man in question gently closes the door behind him and has a look around her apartment. She can only imagine what he thinks of it and of her choices.

Once upon a time, things were so different. Once upon a time, she could have lived her whole life in a castle and been waited on hand and foot by any number of individuals. She could have had him, too.

It hits her like an arrow to the heart when she thinks of what she could have had.

Part of her is thrilled to see him here. Part of her wishes he'd leave.

The other part of her, the one she supposes she inherited from her parents, believes in first love and mending old wounds with a simple apology.

"Yeah. I know." Emma replies.

Her mother gasps so loudly she thinks Killian must hear, because he stares at her and seems to be hiding a smirk as he reaches up to scratch behind his head.

"Tell him we're here for him if he needs us."

"Mom."

"Emma, this is a big deal. He was your first love, and I know he hurt you, but… I think we all know he was going through a lot. Just like he is now."

It's not an excuse for what happened between them, but Emma just heaves a breath and nods. "Okay."

"We want to help him. And I know you were going to come next week for the wedding, but… maybe you could come tomorrow?"

Emma sucks in a heavy breath. She turns on her heel away from Killian, lowering her voice. "It's not… for me, okay? It's for him."

She can hear her mother smile. "Yes. Of course."

Emma's teeth dig into her lower lip. She stares down at the floor and traces the toes of her right foot in a broad circle. "I don't want it to be a thing."

"It won't be a thing, Emma."

"Really?" Emma snaps quietly. "Because last time I came there was a parade-"

"No parades. I promise."

Emma sighs heavily. "Okay."

"Tell Henry that Grandpa wants to teach him sword fighting!" her mother gushes. "Oh, this is going to be so nice to have you back home again, Emma!"

Not feeling incredibly comfortable at the moment, Emma manages a quick yet gentle, "I have to go, Mom. Goodnight."

"Goodnight. Good luck!"

She rolls her eyes minutely as she hangs up and she stuffs her phone into her pocket as she turns back to her former best friend. Emma's arms fold against her chest and she sighs.

"Sorry. Mom… still likes keeping up with me even though I'm living on my own."

Killian arches an eyebrow. "Well, I think it's understandable. Considering the circumstances."

She stares at him quietly and then drops her gaze when her heart jumps against her ribcage. Emma doesn't think about the _circumstances_. They're almost always way too much to think about, especially with a three-year-old in the mix.

Emma crosses the room, going to clean up the dining table from Henry's arts and crafts as well as her homework. She slips the crayons back into their box and she glances up to find Killian just staring.

"Why are you here?" she asks wearily.

"Is it so wrong that I want to make a social call? You're my best friend."

Emma scoffs. She looks over at the stove clock and shakes her head. "It's ten o'clock at night on a Tuesday and you're here to 'make a social call'. Yeah, sure. Did you forget about my superpower?"

Killian shifts on his feet and sighs. "Fine. I… I've run into a bit of trouble. And I thought you could help me."

She stops what she's doing and stares back at him. "Killian-"

He looks ashamed, dropping his gaze to his feet, and then he looks back up at her with tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Emma. I know I really shouldn't have come here. I could have just gone to your parents, but…" He searches her eyes. "I just thought that with our history, perhaps you'd be more lenient."

Emma shakes her head. "What did you do?"

A self-depreciating smile fills his cheeks and he shrugs his shoulders. For the first time since initially seeing him, she actually _sees_ him, especially when he lifts his left hand and she finds that it's missing.

It's a shock, but she'd already known that it had been severed. She'd seen the medical reports herself.

"I was in an accident," Killian explains, and it does nothing to help the mixed feelings bubbling up inside of her. "I lost my hand..." He shakes his head. "And I can't fathom being home right now. Wherever that is. So I thought, perhaps..."

Her heart falls into her belly.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Killian," she says softly. Not knowing what else to say or do, she looks down at the kitchen table, scooping up the rest of Henry's things as she starts to think it all through.

"Emma," Killian pleads. "I was seeing a woman and she broke it off with me right before I was in the accident. I don't have any place to go. My apartment is filled with tainted memories and… all I thought about while I was in the hospital was our last discussion."

She finishes putting Henry's things away and goes to tuck them into a cabinet in the kitchen before she slides her textbooks into a pile and gathers up her papers to stick them into their folders.

Their last discussion flashes briefly through her mind and her instinct is to recoil, to snap at him, and to send him back out into the night, but she instead steels herself as she sighs, "The one where you tried to explain why you left me and instead got angry with my life choices?"

Emma meets his eyes then, expecting the remorse that fills them. He shakes his head at her. "Emma, I'm sorry."

For a moment, it all comes back. She's back home, young and naive, waiting for him to pick up his phone or _something_ so she'd know he's okay.

And she's sitting on the bedroom floor of her new place, a baby growing inside of her, listening to the sound of his voice, thinking maybe everything could be okay between them, but then it's not.

"You know I have no real reason to let you into my life again," Emma tells him. "You told me you loved me and I guess I thought that meant staying together no matter what." She closes her eyes with a wince. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're right to be angry," Killian sighs. When she opens her eyes, he rakes his fingers through his hair. "I was bloody awful to you. Leaving the way I did and then when we spoke again-"

He trails off, clearly not wishing to go there right now. She's glad for it. She doesn't want to go there either.

Emma's jaw clenches tight and she feels tears burning at her eyes.

"I'm going home tomorrow. Leo's getting married and they want me there to help," she tells him lowly. She sucks in a breath and straightens her spine. "Do you need somewhere to stay tonight?"

Killian nods his head, a slight smile on his lips. "If you'd be so gracious." He glances around and gently suggests, "I can take your couch?"

Emma manages a smile. "Okay."

She tries to forget the sensation she has to just collapse into him and to let him hold her in order to wash away all of the pain she's had to deal with over him for the past few years, but it's hard.

She stuffs that feeling away and holds her head up high as she starts to go toward her bedroom to grab him a blanket and a pillow.

When she goes to find him standing at the fridge, studying the colored pictures Henry did for her and the photographs of the two of them taken in various places and poses and ages.

"He's three now, isn't he?" Killian asks quietly.

Emma nods, smiling at the picture he's studying. "Yeah."

She walks away from the fridge and settles the blanket and pillow down on the couch. She clears the floor, tossing Henry's leftover toys into the bin with a practiced grace, and Killian comes to stand before her as she's standing upright again.

Seeing him again, after all of this time, is a strange feeling. Despite feeling angry at him, she isn't.

She's missed him like crazy. She's missed his dimples when he smiles at her. She's missed the late night talks and the early morning walks. She's missed his stupid stories and his laughter.

She's missed him. But she won't do this all over again. Not now.

"I missed you, Emma," Killian whispers. "And I know I can't expect you to forgive me straight away for abandoning you after I got word of what happened to Liam, but… I wish you would."

Emma stares at him and tries to memorize the new lines and details of his face. She catches his scent in her nose and hopes it'll stay.

"Goodnight, Killian." She whispers.

As she steps around him, he sighs. "Goodnight, my princess."

Emma closes her eyes tight at the sound of his words and she tries with everything in her to not go back to those childhood memories she has of them goofing off in the garden or by the water.

She gets a glimpse of him in her mind's eye, kissing the back of her hand on her sixteenth birthday, when he officially asked her to _court_ him, and her heart begins to betray the anger she feels.

When Emma gets into her bedroom and shuts the door behind her, she curls up on her mattress cross-legged and opens up her nightstand drawer. She finds an envelope she'd stuffed into it just a few days ago and unfolds the paper she finds inside.

 _Dear Killian,_

 _I've heard that you were in an accident and I want you to know that I want to help you. I'm sorry. You must be hurting. Despite having unfriended you on social media, I do manage to keep tabs on you. Guess being Princess has it's perks sometimes, huh?_

 _I don't really know what I should say. Things between the two of us haven't really been great since we broke up. I just want you to know that even though you left, I never felt abandoned. Just confused and frustrated and, yeah, I guess with time, I got angry. But it's only because my best friend took off and didn't tell me what was going on._

 _And then you called and when I told you I was pregnant you didn't let me even explain what happened with Henry's dad. I'm sure if you knew you wouldn't have been as ridiculous as you were._

 _That's probably why I hated you. That's probably why I don't want to see you anymore. It's not about Liam. It's about you thinking I have some obligation to being next in line for the throne._

 _Did it ever occur to you that I know that? Every day of my life I've known that._

 _Anyway. I don't know if I'll even send this letter to you, because I got way too rambly and now I'm thinking you don't deserve my help right now. Maybe._

 _I have a lot of schoolwork to do right now anyway. I guess if you get this, you get this. And if you don't- oh well._

 _-Emma_

When Emma gets to the end of her letter, she folds it back up and catches a glimpse of the words she'd written in small print on the very bottom of the page.

 _p.s. I miss you. p.s. I love you. p.s. I'm not going to tell you any of that. -Love Em_

Emma bites down on her lower lip and shuts her eyes. Her fingers go to the ring hanging from her neck and she fishes it out so she can feel it in her palm.

Now that he's here, lying on her couch in just the other room, everything's going to come back to light, and she isn't sure she's ready.

/

"Mommy, lookit the ants," Henry says, squinting as he pinches his fingers together.

She watches, amused, as her son watches the traffic down below. She brushes back his hair and leaves a kiss to his cheek that he scrunches his nose up at.

"Do you want to get on an airplane today, Henry?" she asks.

Henry's eyes widen and he grins. He holds up his toy airplane and makes _whoosh_ noises as he gusts it through the space between them, landing it on her head so she'll laugh at him. He giggles delightedly at the sound.

"I'll take that as a yes," Emma chuckles. She reaches up to brush back his hair and smiles. "You want to see Grandma and Grandpa? Grandpa wants to play swords. Uncle Leo too."

Henry smiles at her and nods his head. "Yes."

"Yes?" she teases. She pinches his side until he squeals and she suddenly remembers the man sleeping in the other room. Her mood dampens just a little and she sighs. "Okay. You hungry for breakfast, Bug?"

Henry bobs his head. "Yes please!"

Emma scoops her son up off of the bed and hauls him down onto the floor. He giggles happily as she walks with him into the kitchen and she immediately finds Killian standing by the fridge, his hand in it's favorite position behind his ear.

 _Oh_ , she's _missed_ him like this.

"Ah…" Killian blushes just a little. "Good morning, Em."

Her heart flutters at the sound of his voice and it's like she's sixteen again. "Good morning."

Killian's attention falls to the little boy at her side and she jerks herself back to present-day.

Emma sighs, mostly because her son stares at Killian with bug eyes and wraps his arms around her leg as he attempts to hide. "Hey, Bug, this is Mommy's friend Killian. Can you say hi to Killian?"

"Killy?" Henry attempts.

Emma laughs softly. "You can call him Killy."

Killian drops down to be eye-level with her son and smiles at him. "Well, good morning, Henry. I've heard so much about you."

And if she weren't attempting to figure out whether or not she should be mad at him, she'd think he was being ridiculously sweet and she'd love him all the more for it.

Henry slowly untucks himself from Emma's leg and smiles at Killian before showing him his toy truck and plane he's carrying around.

"Oh, that's brilliant," Killian grins. "Do you like to play trucks?"

"Trucks," Henry repeats in his three-year-old voice. He zips the wheels of the toy across Killian's face and that's that- they're officially friends.

She listens and watches as Killian plays with her son in the living room, smiling at the delight that bubbles out of her son's mouth, and at the kindness Killian shows the little boy.

It's a bit much, she thinks, as they're sitting around the kitchen table and Henry refuses to eat and just wants to play with his new best friend Killian. Killian just smiles at her son and somehow tricks him into digging in and eating his cereal.

The fact that Killian and her son are now best friends makes her just a little jealous, though she can understand why it would happen. Killian can truly sweep anyone off their feet if he so much as smiles their way.

"So you're going home," Killian says as Emma's having a bite of cereal.

She sighs. "Yeah." Emma drags her tongue over her lips and plays with her spoon in her bowl. "Leo's getting married."

The thought is humorous, considering Leo as an individual. He'd been something of a loose cannon for a while. But, apparently, while she's been gone, he's been busy.

Killian smiles a little. "Ah."

She senses something bittersweet in the way he drops his attention to his bowl.

"My parents are expecting you." Killian arches an eyebrow, confused. "They're king and queen, Killian. They have an idea of what's going on in the world. Especially to people they care about."

Killian's expression softens and for a moment, she wonders if he has an idea that she must have known what happened to him before he came to her, too.

"Then I suppose I should get ready to go back to Misthaven as well."

Emma sucks in a deep breath.

Something about both of them returning home together feels natural, albeit daunting and terrifying. She doesn't know what it'll mean for them, if anything, and she doesn't know if she wants to find out.

Henry says her name, blessedly cutting she and Killian's dialogue short.

It takes a while to get ready to go, and to no real surprise, the front door opens as Emma's trying to get Henry into his boots and Leroy steps inside as he has more often than she'd like. He narrows his eyes at the sight of Killian Jones standing in her living room and she just smiles up at him thinly.

"Morning, Grumpy."

Leroy rolls his eyes. "Good morning, Your Highness. If you're ready, the car is downstairs and your plane is waiting."

Emma secures Henry's right boot and straightens him out before rising to her feet and grabbing her son's hand. "Okay. Yeah. Let's go."

Leroy gives her a wary look. "Is he…"

Emma doesn't have to glance over at Killian to know Leroy's worried about him. "He's coming with us."

"Killy!" Henry shouts as they start to walk forward.

Killian just laughs warmly and it makes her heart warm despite the fact that she'd very much like it to stay neutral.

"I'm coming, Henry," Killian promises. "I haven't left."

Emma pulls her son to the side and waits for Leroy and Killian to leave her apartment before she locks it. Briefly, she meets Killian's gaze and remembers what she'd written in tiny print on the back of her unsent letter to him.

She still feels it, pressing up against her breastbone: she's missed him and she loves him.

And she won't be telling him that because there isn't room in his heart for her, or for her son, and it's something she's used to, so she accepts it as it is.

She tucks her keys away and lifts her eyebrows at Leroy as she steadies herself. "Okay, Leroy. Take us back to Misthaven."


	2. Chapter 2

**an: thank you all so much for your support! It has really helped kick me into gear and I am quite excited for you to read all that's to come. :) I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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two

He's still getting used to the phantom feeling he has. He reaches for things with his left hand more often than he'd like to admit. He thanks the gods above that he wasn't born left handed because he isn't sure he could handle having to start completely from scratch.

It's been about a week and a half since the accident and while he should be recuperating at home, with the aid of physical therapy and the comfort of his own bed and the familiarity of his apartment, even just the thought of returning there has repulsed him to the point of nausea.

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks. He went from being broken up with to getting piss drunk and getting into the accident that caused his hand devastating enough damage that doctors decided to remove it entirely in just the course of a day.

Killian isn't sure what led him to Emma. He'd known she was in the city. He's known for months, because a week before her birthday, he asked her parents for her address in hopes of maybe sending her a card.

He still has the card, sitting somewhere in his apartment, unfinished and worried over for days upon days until he finally gave up and hid it at the bottom of his nightstand.

He's been pretty awful to Emma since the break up and it's because he hasn't been man enough for her. He isn't certain he'll ever be enough. She's beautiful. She's hot-headed. She's kind.

She's the damn princess of Misthaven and he's the sodding fool that broke her heart because he couldn't bring himself to tell her he'd failed.

He doesn't blame himself for what happened to Liam. He never could, because it wasn't his fault, but he shouldn't have been so obsessed with fulfilling the wiles of his heart. Maybe he could have ended things with Liam on better terms.

As he sits across from Emma in her parents' private plane, he thinks back to the day before he found out something had happened to his older brother.

He thinks of it often; the petty argument he and Emma had while they were sitting in her bedroom after she came home from school. It had been enough that they had actually said the words, "should we break up?" to each other.

He'd thought it was the end of the world, but the end of the world hadn't come just yet.

He's fairly certain the universe has it out for him- decisively beating him over the head for his wrongdoings over and over again until he's come out the other end beaten, bruised, and bloody. Quite literally.

As much as he's loved Emma in the past, he doesn't think he's ever felt the heart-stopping, blood-racing, knees-trembling nerves when he's around her before.

And it's not because he's in love with her. It's because she probably thinks he's the worst and he would agree with that sentiment. He is quite frankly the worst.

She, on the other hand, is more beautiful than she's ever been. Time has given her wisdom and grace far lovelier than she'd ever had when they were younger.

The way she treats her little boy causes his chest to tighten and he wishes he hadn't been such an incredibly massive idiot. He could have been here for her and for her boy if he had just been a better man. He's never been good enough for Emma.

He watches her. She holds Henry in her lap, pointing out the window as the plane flies steady thousands of feet in the air.

At first, she banters along with Henry's fascinations about the idea of flight.

"Mama!" He gasps, pressing his palms against the window as he leans toward it with all of his weight. Emma holds onto his legs and a small smile curls on her lips. "Lookit all the ants!"

Emma admires her son just as Killian admires her. "Yeah. Everything's so small, isn't it? We're flying so high up, Kid."

Emma's expression softens and falls after a while. Henry gets bored of staring at the ants and the clouds and decides to play peacefully in his chair beside Emma.

She fidgets with her fingers and he watches as she twists her hair into a braid, as if by force of habit. He remembers dozens of flights just like this one, sitting with her while she braided her hair and fretted about this meeting with some charity or that day in court she'd have to attend in order to maintain her status as heir to the throne.

"What's wrong?" Killian asks gently.

Emma suddenly looks at him with wide eyes, as if she hadn't expected him to speak again. She shrugs her shoulders and smiles thinly at him. "Nothing. Just… dreading everything about today."

For a moment, she stares at him, contemplatively. She purses her lips as if she wants to speak, but then she looks out the window again and Killian is left staring at her and at the way her fingers flex in her lap nervously.

He decides then to play with her, just to see if she'll smile. "Oh, come now, love, what could be so dreadful about it?"

She doesn't smile. She just stops fidgeting with her hands and shrugs again.

"Mom and Dad are going to want to have the _talk_ again. And paparazzi will probably be waiting at the airport. Not to mention _wedding_ chaos." Emma sighs. "Last time I went home… Henry just turned one."

He glances down at the boy and finds his big blue eyes. It encourages Killian to smile, even though he aches in more ways than one right now.

"I heard about it," Killian says. "There was a parade."

Emma lifts her eyebrows and sighs. "Yeah." She shakes her head and presses her hands over her face. "God, I hate going home. I left for a reason."

She'd tried to explain to him why a little over three years ago when he finally decided to break his silence and talk to her. He'd thought, maybe, they could mend things over. Perhaps she'd be willing to see him again.

But, to his surprise, he found out that she'd moved to a city just far enough away to merit a flight to Misthaven. She'd just gotten out of a relationship and was five months pregnant.

It certainly wasn't the future she'd dreamt of while they were together. It certainly wasn't what he was expecting when he got her phone number from her mother.

He was so bloody selfish. It's not a mystery to him why she closed him out after the way he acted on the phone.

"Leo really wants me there," Emma sighs. "So I guess I owe it to him."

Killian smiles a little. "Any idea who the lucky lass is?"

Emma laughs once. "Alexandra. Ashley and Thomas' daughter. She's a duchess, so it makes sense."

Emma bites down on her lip thoughtfully and then pulls out her phone. It's after she sits there scrolling for a minute or so that he realizes she's uncomfortable and it makes his heart fall to his stomach.

He doesn't know what he'd intended on accomplishing by going to Emma like he did. Maybe he thought, somehow, he'd be able to rectify his wrongs by coming to her a completely broken man with nothing left.

But now he just feels like a failure.

He's lost a lot in his life, Emma included, but she's the only part of him he's never been able to shake. She's always in his mind, even when he isn't thinking of her. She's changed him and who he is.

As if sensing that he's about to go mad with thought, Henry pulls himself off of his chair and falls to the floor with an ungraceful "oof!"

Killian finds the little boy's innocence a pleasant distraction from everything that's in his mind. It's almost humorous that although he's still getting over a breakup, still coping with the loss of his hand, he's found a new friend in the toddler son of his first love.

Henry zips his favorite toy truck along the floor and toward Killian, a slow smile spreading on his lips as an idea sparks in his mind.

Killian watches, smiling softly, as the little boy runs his toy truck along the seams of the chair beside him and then onto his knee and thigh.

"Vroom!" Henry giggles.

Killian chuckles, but Emma looks apologetic. "Henry-"

"Hey, it's alright, love," Killian promises. "Among the many talents I have, I'm also an excellent racetrack."

It earns him a scoff from the princess. He takes it as a step in the right direction, wherever that might lead.

Henry zips his truck around a little more until he gets tired of Killian and goes to the wall of the plane, where the window is. He pushes up on his toes in an attempt to see out the window, but he can't.

It pulls at Killian's heart, so he unbuckles from his seat and drops down to the floor. At first, he tries boosting Henry up with both hands, but reality hits him with a harsh pang. Henry doesn't seem to mind it, stepping up onto Killian's knees instead and leaning back against him.

Killian wraps his arms around the little squirming boy and somehow, he gets him high enough to see outside.

Henry gasps and says, "Ooh!"

Killian grins as he looks up at the boy's mother. "He likes flying. Perhaps you've got a future pilot on your hands."

Emma just shakes her head slowly. "Not if I have any say in the matter."

Killian hums a laugh and finds himself getting smacked in the face by the toddler's head when he suddenly wishes to get down again.

He grimaces slightly, but releases the lad and watches until he's gone too far down the aisle of the plane.

"Ugh. This is why we don't travel." Emma quickly scrambles to her feet and he watches, a smile on his lips, as she hurries after her son who is quickly on his way to the cockpit.

Killian boosts himself up onto his feet and watches with a laugh bubbling up from somewhere hidden deep within him as Emma returns with a squirming little boy in her arms.

Emma settles her son down in her lap after she sits down again and Killian feels like an outsider looking in as she gently but firmly tells her son to stay put.

He watches as Emma allows Henry to sit on her lap. She wraps her arms around him and leans her cheek against the top of his head as she listens to his murmurings.

Emma as a mother was a sight he'd only dreamt of seeing one day and she does it so well.

When Emma glances up at him, he smiles softly at her. "You're a good mum, Em."

She doesn't reply. Her cheeks glow rosily for a few moments before she kisses the top of Henry's head and she laughs when he holds up his toy truck for her.

He knows it can't have been easy and gods above does he regret shutting the door on his chance at being there for her when he had the chance.

/

Emma sucks in a harsh breath when Leroy and two other members of her father's security team lay down the rules and itinerary for the rest of the trip to the castle.

Apparently, there are photographers waiting outside of the plane, and yes, there are also members of the public- diehard fans of the family- with signs and excited smiles just waiting for Emma to emerge with her son.

She's not sure how everyone will take Killian's presence, but she supposes it's something she'll have to deal with when it comes, so she gathers her son in her arms, asks him to keep his face against her so she can shield him, and she marches out into the sun.

It's pleasantly warm in Misthaven and there's a soft, cool breeze that lifts at her hair and tickles her skin. She hears the cameras and the paparazzi and the murmurs, but she blocks them out, instead focused on following the security team to the car.

Thankfully, it's not too much of a trip, and when she reaches the car, she's able to slip inside easily with Henry in her lap.

When Killian joins them in the car, he has a panicked look on his face, as if he's overwhelmed. She can relate, though she's been through this time and time again, so she's used to it now- the pressures of being modern royalty in a world where sitting on the throne really means nothing.

Emma glances away from Killian immediately when he turns his gaze to her. Her heart jumps in her chest and she licks her lips as she stares forward.

The car begins to move a few moments later and Emma releases the breath she'd been holding with relief tingling at her fingertips.

"So far so good, yeah?" Killian asks.

She looks over at him and he does that thing where he smirks halfway, a hesitant thing. She's still not sure what to think of his behavior since he's been with her, but she imagines he's going through a lot with the accident and his recent breakup.

"No parades, I mean." Killian adds, clearly sensing that she's not picking up on whatever it is he was trying to ask.

Emma hums. "Well, there's still plenty of time."

Her gaze falls to her lap where her son sits and she licks her lips as she reaches up to gently brush at his soft hair.

Silence fills the car, except for Henry chattering with himself, and Emma takes a soft breath as she battles herself.

She's going home, to the place where things fell apart, and she's coming back with Killian Jones. Of all of the ways to go home for her younger brother's wedding, this is definitely the worst possible scenario.

Her relationship with Killian has never been easy because of who she is. And she isn't that girl anymore. Though, if you asked her parents who she was when she was younger, they'd probably tell you she's always been the way she is today- independent and always searching for something more.

It's the reason she left. She had just been in an awful relationship with a guy that broke her heart and she found out she was pregnant. Things didn't make sense. She wanted to be someone on her own, so she told her parents she wanted to move out and go to school, and they let her.

It's been a few years and she's just barely finishing up with school now. It's almost time for her to make a decision and either come home or stay put. She knows her parents are going to want to know what she wants to do. She also knows they have some level of expectation that she'll stay and take her place as the face to the throne.

The internal struggle she has regarding if she should stay or go causes a lump to form in her throat as her belly tickles with nervous butterflies.

"How long has it been for you?" Emma wonders as she stares out at the kingdom she'd grown up in.

"A few years." Killian replies quietly. "Quite honestly, I've not set foot here since…"

Emma glances over at him and nods in understanding, not needing to hear him say the words for her to know.

"Well, welcome back to Misthaven." Emma murmurs. "I'm sure the fun is just about to begin."

Killian smiles a little. "I wager sooner than you think." He gestures out past her, toward her window, and Emma cringes before she even looks to see what it could possibly be.

To no surprise, really, there are people flooding the streets, waving and cheering. There are banners hanging across buildings and the car has slowed due to foot traffic.

"Look at it this way. It's not a parade."

Emma hums. "Nope. It's just... a parade."

She shifts her attention to her son and tries to quell the silent anger and anxiety she has bubbling up inside.

With a sigh, Emma listens as Henry tells her a story.

She engages him with a small smile, leaning her cheek against his head while he chatters with her. She knows Killian's listening, because he has a little dimple in his cheek and there are creases at the corner of his eye, but he stays to himself, apparently helping draw a line between them here.

She's thankful for it, because she isn't sure where they stand. Are they even friends now?

All she really knows is that she's in for a few discussions with him, and she's sure that they'll come soon, because in no time at all they'll be in her parents' castle, surrounded by their history. Not to mention the gossip magazines and talk shows wondering why the princess has reunited with her old flame.

No, the fun hasn't started quite yet, but it will soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**an: surprise another update! I hope you like this chapter! :)**

* * *

three

Emma has only one thing on her mind as the car stops in front of the castle: she isn't dressed up. She's in a cardigan and tank top with jeans and sneakers. Her mother will probably love her regardless, but… it's her first time back in a few years and photographers have already caught sight of her.

It's a reflex- thinking she has to be dressed up for the people of this kingdom even if it's just a _title_. It comes from years of listening to her mother explain how important presentation is.

When she was younger, Emma used to care just a little bit more than she does now. With time, with discovering the world around her, Emma became hardened to the idea that she would one day have to inherit the title and throne.

Being the firstborn, it's on her to take the throne from her graying and wearing parents. And it's not that she doesn't respect her parents or the fact that this was the family she was born into. It's just that she came to a realization- slowly, and then all at once- that this life isn't the only one she could live.

She takes a soft breath when she sees her parents and siblings standing there waiting for them. As much as she loves them and as much as she's missed them, she feels overwhelmed.

"Well, this should be fun," Emma murmurs to herself.

She turns a little to grab Henry's bag and as she's patting it down to make sure she hasn't lost anything, she makes the mistake of meeting Killian's eyes.

He has kindness in his gaze and he smiles softly. "Okay?"

She sits upright, filling her lungs with a clean breath of air before nodding. "Yeah. I'm okay. You?"

Killian grins in that familiar way he used to, teeth practically glistening in the light. "I've been better, but I think I'll survive."

Emma's gaze inadvertently falls to his missing hand and she's made incredibly aware of the memory that he's in a lot of pain right now- both emotional and physical.

She forces a smile and nods. "Yeah, well, we'll see what happens after my mother squeezes the life out of us."

Not leaving any space for him to respond, Emma opens up the door and slings her legs out one at a time, careful because of Henry in her arms. He's getting cranky because it's nearing lunch time and he should probably have a nap, so all he really wants is to curl against her when she settles him on her hip.

Emma sucks in a breath as she faces her family and nods at them. "Hey."

Her mother comes forward first, her arms spread open as wide as her smile. "Emma! Henry! Hi!"

It's every bit the family reunion she'd imagined it would be, but it is somehow less awkward and more… sweet. It's been awhile since her family has seen Henry in person- sometimes they Skype just to see him- and it takes only a minute or so for Henry to warm up to his extended family members.

Emma's in the middle of hugging her father for a solid ten seconds straight when Killian finally emerges from the car.

"Killian!" Leo says, all smiles and extended arms. "It's so good to see you again!"

Killian laughs, a sound that comes from his belly, and Emma pulls back in time to see her brother giving Killian a hug, complete with firm pats to each others' backs. Killian pulls away first and Emma can tell he's a little nervous.

She gets it. She doesn't know how to feel, being back here with her family and friends, amongst everything she'd run from. And to be back _together_ is something she never dreamed could be.

After Leo hugs Killian, Emma turns to her youngest brother, Alistair, and smiles at him. "You're so big now, Ali, what happened?"

Alistair rolls his eyes and accepts her hug. "You've been gone."

It hurts, but it's only the truth. Emma takes a step back and pats his cheek. "Just don't tell me you're getting married like Leo is and we'll be cool."

Alistair laughs. "Yeah. Not yet."

Emma winks at her brother teasingly.

"Come on inside," Emma's mother says. "I'm sure you're tired after all of that travel."

Henry fusses for the first time then, from his spot in his grandmother's arms. Emma reaches for her son and he immediately tucks his face into the crook of her neck.

"Hungry too." Emma announces.

She glances over at Killian, mostly because they're the outsiders here, and he nods in agreement.

"Aye. I could eat."

"Well, Emma, you and Henry are welcome to returning to your bedroom," Mary Margaret says. "And Killian, why don't you follow Leo up to one of the guest suite apartments?"

Emma sees Killian's expression soften up, clearly flattered that he'd be so openly welcomed back after everything that's happened.

"I don't mean to put you out," Killian tries to be polite. "I could just stay with Robin in town-"

"No, no, no," Emma's father scoffs. "You're family. You stay here."

And then they're being whisked inside. Her mother won't stop talking about every little thing she can think of. She points out the things that have been hung for the wedding and new construction on the castle.

There are bits and pieces that are new and different, but beneath the soft colors and warm lighting, Emma can see the home she'd grown up in.

She stares for a few moments, slowing her pace so she can stare up at the grand chandelier in the main hall.

Her heart skips a beat when she remembers dancing on this floor, forced to wear a tight dress and shoes but secretly loving every second of it just because of the way Killian Jones stared at her.

Emma looks at him, finding his gaze shifting over the ceiling as hers had. He tilts his head down again and meets her eyes, a soft smile upon his lips.

For a moment, she can pretend they're young again, that maybe none of the tension between them exists. That maybe he loves her just as much as she has loved him for years.

"Hey, Killian," Alistair says, suddenly breaking the silent connection. Killian stops walking in order to address her brother. "Want to see something cool? We just got a game room."

"A game room," Killian repeats, clearly subduing his excitement.

"Yeah. It's kind of awesome."

"I'll be the judge of that." Killian laughs. "Lead on, Alistair."

Leo laughs, turning toward them, and then looks over at Emma. "Em? You want to check it out too? Ali and I decked it out ourselves."

Emma forces a smile. "No. It's okay. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time later."

Leo shrugs and nods, then follows as Alistair and Killian go on a trip down the hall.

Henry stirs and his curious tone makes her turn away. She leaves a kiss to the side of his head and quickens her pace again in order to catch up with her parents.

"You guys don't have to escort me to my room. I know where it is." Emma says as her mother steps onto the first step of the grand, winding staircase.

Her mother's face falls, but she recovers quickly. "You're right. You're right. I'll give you some space."

While she feels bad, Emma also doesn't enjoy the clinginess. Especially from her mother.

"Thanks," Emma says quietly as she takes Henry with her to the stairs. She glances toward her parents and sighs at the looks on their faces.

"I can have someone bring you food?" her mother offers. "Anything you'd like?"

Emma shrugs. "Grilled cheese."

Her mother smiles happily and nods. "Okay. Grilled cheese will be right on it's way."

As Emma steps up the stairs, she can hear Leo talking with Killian from a short ways down the hall. Killian's laughter echoes through the castle and she has to close her eyes for a moment when the memories start to overwhelm her.

Maybe bringing him home with her wasn't the best idea.

/

No, bringing Killian home with her was most definitely not the best idea, Emma decides as she's sitting on the couch in her living room.

Henry happily plays with some toys her parents had purchased and left in a little toy box on the kitchen table of her mini apartment. They'd attached a note, as they do, that read: _For Henry while he's visiting his home away from home! Love, Grandma and Grandpa_

Thankfully, her room hasn't changed much at all. Her bed is still the exact same as she'd left it. There are still polaroid photographs and posters on her walls. There are still string lights and mountains of books and cabinets filled with her favorite movies and television shows.

The window seat still looks out on the glistening water behind the castle and reminds her of Killian in the worst ways.

And, of course, the Killian Box sits at the back of her walk-in closet gathering dust right beside the Neal Box that she really should just burn already.

The channel that was immediately on when she flicked on the television to provide some background noise for her while she unpacked her suitcase was entertainment news. Emma doesn't remember ever watching entertainment news, but it's likely one of the maids had switched it or something.

The main story, to no real surprise, is Emma's arrival to Misthaven. People are already speculating on what she's doing here and chatting about her "casual chic" look. Mostly, they're practically squealing as they talk about one Killian Jones and his dark, yet handsome, physique.

"Not much is known about what happened after the break up that broke our hearts five years ago, but it looks like the Princess and her former beau might have rekindled their friendship." The host says in a matter-of-fact tone, as if she has all of the details.

Emma rolls her eyes as she grabs the remote to switch channels.

"Prince Leo's wedding is in the coming weeks, so I wouldn't be surprised one bit if we saw Princess Emma and Killian out and about more often as the entire kingdom prepares-"

Emma switches channels to something Henry can watch. She leans forward, setting her elbows on her knees and her face in her palms.

"This was a mistake, right?" Emma asks herself.

She drops her hands from her face and looks down at the floor where her son builds a tower from blocks. Henry looks up at her and grins. Her heart melts and she tilts her head at him.

Maybe being home isn't just for her and it isn't just for Leo or her parents. It's just as much for Henry, who deserves to know who his family is.

"Mama," Henry says and he turns to point at his tower. "Look!"

Emma hums warmly. "That's awesome, Bug. I'm really proud of you."

It's then that there's a knock at her door and Emma sighs as she glances up at it. She stands up and crosses the room. When she opens the door, she's surprised and actually gasps.

"What the- Elsa? What are you doing here?"

Elsa shrugs with a wide grin, holding out a tray of food. "I heard you were hungry!"

Emma laughs and shakes her head. "Come in."

As Elsa steps inside Emma's room, she closes the door and continues to stare at her friend, eyes wide. "What are you- this is crazy. I didn't think you'd be coming for the wedding."

Elsa laughs warmly after settling down the tray of food on Emma's kitchen table. She turns to face Emma and shrugs. "Your mom told me you were coming back early. I couldn't resist surprising you."

Emma laughs once. "Well, you got me. I'm incredibly surprised."

Elsa steps in close for a hug and Emma gladly complies, squeezing as tight as she can before they part again.

Elsa is dressed casually, and her hair is let down as opposed to being tied up or over her shoulder as it typically is.

"I just got off of the plane, so pardon my appearance." Elsa apologizes. "Anna and Kristoff will be here too, closer to the wedding festivities."

Emma nods in understanding and smiles as she glances over at her son. "You want to meet Henry?"

Elsa gasps. "Of course!"

When Elsa drops down to the floor in order to greet Henry, Emma is fairly certain she's never been happier.

"Hi, Henry!" Elsa says kindly. "I met you only once before, when you were really small. I can't believe how big you are!"

Henry seems interested in playing with the blocks more than he's interested in meeting a new friend, but Elsa takes it in stride, just looking up at Emma with a warm grin.

"He is _so_ handsome."

Emma nods. "Thank you."

She goes to the kitchen table and hums happily at the sight of the food awaiting her. Grilled cheese and onion rings have been her favorite comfort food since she was small.

Emma bites into an onion ring and carries her plate to the couch in the living room. She sits down and Elsa sits with Henry for only a few moments more before she joins her.

Elsa sighs and laughs. "It feels like forever since we last sat on your couch, but at the same time-"

"It feels like just yesterday," Emma finishes for her. They both nod and laugh together.

Elsa turns her attention to Henry and Emma bites into her grilled cheese. "So… he's here."

Emma hums. "Yep."

"How does it feel?"

For a moment, Emma stares at the plate in her lap as if it's infinitely more interesting. She struggles for a little too long with the question, her heart beginning to race.

"I don't know," Emma says finally. She looks over at her friend and shrugs. A frown tugs down at her lips. "It's weird."

Elsa hums thoughtfully. "He hasn't called since-"

"No. He just showed up on my doorstep." Emma stares at Elsa worriedly. "Mom and Dad wanted me to bring him here and with the wedding so close, I just…" She sighs. "I didn't know what to do with him. He was just in an accident and he just got broken up with and _I'm_ the one he decided to come to. What was I supposed to do? "

Her friend smiles softly. "You did what you could." Elsa curls her legs up under her. "Do you still have feelings for him?"

Emma huffs. She bites on an onion ring and stares at the television.

"Emma, you need to talk to him."

"And what?" Emma asks, on the edge of whining. "What are we going to talk about? We'd probably end up arguing. That's what happens when we talk. We fight."

Elsa gives her a look. "Emma, you're hurting."

"I'm not." Emma insists.

She has another bite of her sandwich and settles the plate down on the coffee table. She stands up to go grab a soda from the fridge.

"As one of your friends, I'm telling you that you are most certainly pulling an Emma right now." Elsa calls out.

Emma rolls her eyes and scoffs. She spins on her heel with a can of cold Coke in her hand. "Pulling an Emma? I'm a verb now?"

Elsa just smiles teasingly. "I'm just saying, Em, that you're ignoring the conversation that has to happen. You and Killian broke up and then all of a sudden he left and you didn't hear from him until after you moved away."

Emma crosses the room and licks at her lips as she sits on the couch again. "I don't have to talk to him. It's fine. He can… find healing or... whatever he's looking for-" Emma pauses to crack open the can. "He grew up here too so it's kind of the only place he can really call home. I'm not going to take that from him."

Elsa stares at her with softness in her gaze. "And what are you hoping to get out of this trip home, Em?"

Emma shrugs her shoulders. "Leo's getting married. I'm here for that- then I'm gone." She sucks in a deep breath and averts her attention to her son when he giggles happily. "Well, I'm here for him too."

When Emma looks up at her friend, Elsa has her eyebrows raised.

"What?" Emma asks, raising her soda to her lips. Elsa grins. "I'm not here for Killian Jones. And you better not try to set something up, Elsa, or-"

"Or what," Elsa teases, leaning in playfully. "Hmm?"

Emma can't help but laugh as she shoves Elsa back. "Okay. Fine. But no setting anything up, Els. I'm not ready."

Elsa hums. "Okay. Agree to disagree, but… okay." Elsa turns to face the television and Henry. "Tell me about the trip." She says, then, thinking better of it, her eyes brighten and she smiles wide. "Actually, tell me _everything_. Everything I've missed."

And so she does.


	4. Chapter 4

four

In the time Killian has known the royal family, he has never once questioned their ability to be a competitive bunch. This is proven quite true when he, Leo, and Alistair enter the game room.

It's a massive room and easily competes with the world's best arcades. The boys are excited to show off their favorite games and soon enough, they're gathered around a massive screen and Killian watches as the princes battle each other in some sort of virtual reality game.

They come out the other side breathless, and Alistair emerges victorious, grinning wickedly as he taunts his older brother.

Killian chuckles. "Sore luck, Leo."

Leo rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "He's in here too much practicing. That's all."

"Right," Alistair snorts. The younger prince plops down on the couch beside Killian and Leo crosses the room to grab a water bottle from the fridge.

"So, Killian, how are you?" Leo asks. "It's been awhile."

Killian hums. He flexes his fingers over his knee and tries to avoid thinking about the awful things that've happened in the time between visits. He shakes his head and forces a smile.

"I'm fine." Killian tells Leo. "Been a bit busy with work and all that."

Leo has a seat on the sofa and licks his lips after having a sip of water. "Yeah. Of course."

Alistair and Leo don't appear to know what to say, so Killian smiles and changes subjects. "How about you, Leo? You ready for a wedding? Hm? I hear the lucky lady is Duchess Alexandra."

Leo blushes furiously at the mere mention of his bride-to-be, and it makes both Killian and Alistair chuckle. Leo drags a hand over his face and grumbles something under his breath before having a swig of water.

"Leo gets embarrassed anytime we talk about her." Alistair says.

"Well, why would that be?" Killian asks teasingly.

Leo rolls his eyes. He has a sip of water. "Shut up. You've been in love. You know how it is."

Killian's smile fades quickly and he drops his gaze to his lap again. The word brings up memories of Milah and of Emma and it burns behind his eyes and his throat.

The princes both stare at Killian in silence. He feels their gazes before he looks up to see them staring at him.

"Alright. I'll clear the air, then." Killian hops up and faces the sofa. "I was a proper idiot to your sister and I'm sorry I hurt her. I've already apologized to Emma and… I-"

Alistair sits upright and shakes his head. "What are your intentions? Now that you're both here again."

Killian scoffs. "Alistair, I've just gotten out of a long relationship. I hardly think I'm ready for anything intentional with Emma."

Leo's eyes widen. "So you're game for a fling, then?" Leo's gaze turns accusational and Killian groans as he shakes his head.

"No. Gods, no. Your sister is… she's out of my league. Surely you know that."

Killian reaches up to scrub his hand over his face and hair. He starts to pace, walking away from Emma's younger brothers and toward the billiard table.

"She loved you," Alistair says to him quietly. "She cried for a long time when you left."

Leo scoffs. "But not as much as when that-" Leo makes a noise and grips his water bottle too hard so it scrunches up loudly under his grip. The prince stands and goes toward Killian, his gaze pointed and stern. "If you hurt our sister, you're not just going to have to deal with her, okay?"

Alistair moves toward them at the billiard table with a hard look on his face. "Emma's our sister and she might be older than us and she might have moved away, but we still love her and want to protect her."

As Killian stares at the two brothers, he sees hurt. He knows they weren't necessarily close when Emma lived at the castle, but apparently her moving out and trying to live on her own for so long has caused some pain and a sense of loss for the family.

"Alright." A small smile twitches at his lips. "I can promise you now that I won't hurt your sister."

He looks down at the green felt on the table to his left and he swallows thickly when he thinks of mornings in the garden with her. Killian manages to look up at Leo and Alistair, shaking his head slightly.

"Our hour has passed anyway. It isn't as if we could fix what's been broken."

Leo and Alistair glance at one another sorrowfully. To his surprise, it's Leo that says, "Killian, if you love her and she loves you-"

"She can't love me," Killian replies instantly. He shakes his head and holds out his hand to stop the prince from continuing. He gives him a look. "I thought you wanted to hurt me if I hurt her- brotherly concern and all that."

"Well, as much as we want to protect her from idiots, we also know you're the only good idiot that's ever come into her life and we kind of like you." Leo replies wryly.

Alistair nods in agreement. "You're kind of… our brother. We want to see you happy. And if it's with Emma, we're okay with that. As long as you don't hurt her in the process."

That's something he _wasn't_ expecting to hear.

Killian can't help but smile, genuinely, at the pair before him. "Well, thank you for that, mates, but... as I said before, Emma and I are the furthest from where we were before. It's a wonder I'm even here now."

Leo shrugs. "Well, if you ever want to talk, or hang out and play video games…"

"Aye." Killian smiles softly. "I know who to seek out."

/

His suite is a good deal larger than he'd imagined it would be. He has a bedroom, kitchenette, living room, and bathroom.

In his bedroom, there's a balcony that looks out at the water behind the castle. The peaks of the mountains are tall in the distance and the water glistens as light shimmers off of it.

Killian finds himself standing outside just to feel the breeze and sunlight on his skin.

It's so good to be back here. He's missed it much more than he'd thought he did. It feels like home here, even if this isn't technically home. The people are warm and it's safe. He doesn't feel like he's teetering on the edge of his existence here.

Killian decides to make his way out to the water after he stands staring at it for long enough. He first freshens up in the bathroom and catches a glimpse of himself in the mirrors.

He looks exhausted with bags under his eyes. The scars and wounds from the accident still stand out on his face and as he attempts to wash his face, he starts to get a little frustrated, having only one hand to cope with.

He doesn't give up, though, just tosses the washcloth to the side when he's finished patting his face down, and leaves the bathroom as it is.

He sighs heavily as he walks through his suite toward the front door and when he reaches it, he glances over just in time to find a note sitting on the little table in the small kitchen nook.

When he lifts the note, he has to smile.

 _Killian,_

 _We are incredibly glad to have you here at the castle again. You are free to anything you wish or need during your stay here. We want you to be comfortable and to feel at home in your room. Let us know! If you would like, we're having a family dinner at 6:30 in the dining room downstairs. Afterwards, we'll be watching Disney movies in the garden!_

 _We're so happy you're home._

 _-MM and David_

It feels like home.

It's a thought that echoes in his mind as he's walking the halls. He knows them like the back of his hand. It's almost as if he never left to begin with.

Killian thinks of his friends in town and of all of the adventures he's had in this castle and around it. He smiles because of most of the memories that come to mind and he becomes excited to go see if he can't find his friends again.

But first, Killian makes his way to the great lake that's behind the castle. There are boats bobbing in the little bay that is created by the land and there's a dock that goes quite the distance out.

On the shore, Killian glances down in the direction he wishes to walk only to discover the most beautiful sight he has ever seen.

Emma crouches down beside Henry, who stands in the grass with a piece of bread. There are a few ducks nearby, quacking and hungry, and the boy tosses the bread out toward them with a violent passion. It makes Emma giggle happily, the sound bouncing around the harbor gracefully.

Her wavy curls rest over her shoulder and she watches her son with a sweet smile on her lips. She holds a bag of bread in her hand and when Henry runs out of pieces to throw, she hands him more, much to his endless delight.

Killian sticks his hand into his pocket and stands still watching as Henry dares to get close to the flock.

Emma laughs when Henry gets a panicked look on his face when one of the ducks starts marching toward him angrily. Her son comes charging back to her, shrieking, and Killian chuckles to himself softly.

"Baby Bug, you can't get that close," Emma says.

Henry suddenly wants to be held, stepping up to Emma until she wraps her arms around him and kisses the side of his head. She says something quiet enough that he can't hear it and he watches as Emma stands up and takes her little boy by the hand.

The sight of Emma being a mother never ceases to make Killian's heart race. He adores seeing her like this, so confident and strong, but so kind to her son. Henry is a joy to watch, too.

But, as much as he loves watching her and her son, he keeps his distance and turns away before Emma has the chance to spot him on the shore.

He doesn't know what to do about his feelings for Emma. They burn in the back of his mind at a near constant, especially since the accident rendered him immobile in the hospital bed.

He's not quite in love with her, but at the same time, she makes it near impossible to breathe when she's around.

Killian shrugs it all off as he walks the path into the kingdom itself.

Perhaps a drink at the bar with an old friend will soothe his confused heart.

/

The bar in town is quaint and darkly lit. It takes Killian a few moments to adjust to the lighting, but he doesn't need to when he hears his name across the room.

"Killian Jones!" Robin laughs. "Bloody hell, mate! Get your arse over here!"

Killian grins as he walks toward Robin at the bar. His friend comes around just so they can embrace and when they separate, Robin shakes his head.

"I'd heard you were back," Robin says. "And I'll have you know I've got half a mind to kick you right back out on your bum for running out the way you did, but instead, why don't I treat you to a drink? We can talk."

Killian rolls his eyes when Robin claps him on the back briefly. He goes back around the bar as Killian has a seat.

"So, please, indulge me, Killian," Robin says as he pours Killian a pint. "My lady has been completely up in arms about your return all morning. Keeps texting me wondering if you've stopped in. She wants to know if-"

"No," Killian says on a sigh.

"No?" Robin asks, clearly confused. "I've not even asked the question yet."

Killian tilts his head at Robin as his friend settles the glass in front of him. "I know what you were going to ask and it was if me and Emma-"

Robin shakes his head and scrunches up his forehead in distaste. "Bloody hell. No. She wants to know if you've got a place to stay."

Well, that's the last thing Killian expected to hear. He opens his mouth to reply, but he's so shocked that he can't speak.

Robin smiles at him kindly. "Yeah. We've got a spare bedroom and I know it's not much, but you're our friend and we wanted to offer you a space if you need it."

Killian shakes his head. "Mate, that's…" He laughs once out of disbelief. "Thank you. Erm.. I'm actually staying at the castle, but if I need a respite I suppose I know where to look."

Robin hums and nods. "Of course. I'd thought as much, but it didn't hurt to ask." He tips his head toward the beer as he slings a rag over his shoulder and starts toward a door. "Have a drink. I'll see if Scarlet's busy in the back. He's missed you too."

"Alright," Killian grins.

His heart swells as he has a sip. He doesn't think he's ever felt this wanted before for who he is in his life.

/

Henry's bubbly laughter is the first thing Killian hears when he steps outside into the garden. It's such a sweet sound that it immediately causes his heart to swell.

The next thing he hears is a Disney movie- Toy Story- and then the low rumble of laughter from the royal family.

When he sees them, they're all curled up on three different couches. Leo and his wife-to-be, Alexandra, are cozied up together on their own sofa with Alistair sitting a good distance from them, while Emma, Henry, and Elsa sit on their own, leaving the king and queen to the third.

The sight of Queen Elsa is a surprise, but he doesn't have time to question it when the queen of the castle calls out, "Killian! Come join us! We just started Toy Story!"

"Woody!" Henry mimics the voice from the film that plays on the screen against the castle wall.

Killian smiles when Henry meets his eyes a beat later. He gasps and shoves his mother so she makes a sound of discontent. "Mommy, move! Killy!"

KIllian chuckles and arches an eyebrow at the toddler. "Aye?"

"Sit!" Henry insists, gesturing to the sliver of a spot between he and Emma.

Killian meets Emma's eyes and she looks at him like she would rather die, so Killian moves to sit beside Elsa instead. Henry sits up and watches with wide eyes.

"Bug, are you watching the movie?" Emma asks her son.

Henry frowns at Killian and he just shrugs before suddenly, Henry crawls over Elsa's lap and into his.

Killian grunts exaggeratedly, making Henry giggle with delight. He settles back against him in order to watch the movie and Killian sighs as he eases himself back into the couch.

He finds Elsa staring at him and he shrugs at her, not knowing what else to say or do. She just laughs quietly.

"Hi Killian."

He smiles in turn. "Evening, Your Majesty."

Elsa rolls her eyes and shoves him in the arm. "It's Elsa. We've been over this."

Killian hums and stares forward at the movie while Henry sits contentedly with his back against Killian's chest. He stirs at one point just to sit up and check that he's still watching and Killian smiles at the boy to assure him that he is.

Henry grins at that and in no time at all, he must get too comfortable, because instead of babbling along with the characters, he's fast asleep in Killian's lap.

The movie ends not half an hour later and Killian doesn't know what to do with the sleeping boy in his arms, but he's comfortable enough to stay put even though everyone else seems to be gathering themselves to go back inside.

Elsa stares down at the boy and sighs, faking frustration. "I can't even get him to say my name."

Emma stands up and comes to stand before Killian. She frowns before she reaches down to take her son into her arms. Henry wakes up only for a moment before he falls asleep again, adjusting his weight in her grasp to get comfortable.

"Sorry," Emma apologizes, not meeting his eyes. "He was tired. Didn't even get a nap today."

Killian shakes his head. "It's alright, love. I told you- I've many talents."

Emma doesn't respond to that, she just looks at Elsa and smiles. "See you in the morning. Four thirty?"

Elsa bobs her head. "Yep. And you better not sleep in. You know if we don't get going right away we won't make it for the sunrise."

The princess laughs. "Right. I know." She turns toward the castle and smiles at her family, tossing a hand at them. "Night, guys."

"Night Em!" her family replies in a quiet tone so as to not wake the toddler.

Killian watches her go thoughtfully and then presses his hand to his eyes as the weight of the day finally hits him. He sighs and is about to stand when King David comes to stand before him, a smile on his face. He extends his hand and Killian takes it thankfully.

"It's good to have you back," David says kindly. "I know things aren't the best right now, but… we want you to know you can stay as long as you need to. We're here for you, Killian."

The queen comes to his side and smiles in agreement.

"Would you like to have breakfast tomorrow morning?" she asks. "The boys are going on a trip tomorrow at dawn and Emma and Elsa are going on a hike, so it'll just be us and Henry in the castle."

Killian shrugs. "I don't have anything else going on."

The royals both laugh with him and nod. "See you then, Killian. Goodnight."

Killian smiles in return. "Goodnight."


	5. Chapter 5

**an: thank you for your patience and for your support for this story! I've been very busy since the last update, but I finally found some down time to post this chapter! I hope you like it. :)**

* * *

five

The air is crisp and brisk before the sun comes up and it fills Emma's lungs. It feels clean and smells like pine and adventurous musk.

It's only September, but hiking the mountains always gets a little cool.

She and Elsa both have their hair in braids and they're wearing comfy sweaters to combat the chill in the air. Boots on their feet and backpacks on, they're ready for anything the mountains will throw at them.

Because it's incredibly early, they keep the chatter to a low and only speak to warn one another of potential falls. They listen to music that plays lowly from Emma's backpack and it reminds her of their trips up the mountainside in the past.

Usually, their trips were reserved for when Elsa came into the kingdom on her standard out-of-the-blue visits, and they often would bring along Leo or Alistair, or sometimes Anna, to keep things fresh and interesting.

As soon as they find their favorite lookout, they stop, breathing faster as they try to catch their breath. Emma turns to Elsa and smiles a little before they sit with their legs dangling from the drop off.

Below them, Emma can see the castle and the kingdom beyond it. The lake is a dark shimmering abyss at the moment, with starlight and the glow of the moon reflected in it.

The air smells like nature and Emma doesn't think she's ever really been this in touch with the world. Only when she went on hikes when she was growing up did she ever really feel this close.

When the sun begins to find it's way out of hiding, the sky begins to brighten at first, and soon, colors paint the sky pink and orange.

The color provides a glow to the kingdom that makes Emma's heart swell. It's beautiful like this. Almost untouchable.

"I can't believe I haven't been on a hike like this in, what, six years? Seven?" Elsa asks, finally breaking the silence that's sat over them like a comfortable blanket.

Emma glances over at her friend and shrugs her shoulder. "It's been a while."

She turns back to the view and soaks it in. It's moments like these that she truly appreciates the place she grew up.

The memories are a mixture of good and bad feelings and Emma feels mostly anxious. Anxious because she's back. Anxious because everything she'd left this place for is still sort of here. She hasn't been able to escape it, even if she's tried to every single day since leaving.

"Did you miss it?" Elsa wonders gently. "Home?"

Emma sighs. "No. Not really." She sucks on her lower lip and shakes her head. "But it is beautiful."

For a few seconds, they sit in silence. Guilt hits Emma in waves. She knows it really shouldn't be like this- she should have some remorse for leaving her family and friends in lieu of attempting to find a new life for herself, one that she really can't ever have.

"Am I wrong?"

Elsa quirks an eyebrow at her when Emma turns to face her friend. "What do you mean?"

Emma shakes her head again. "I didn't miss it. Should I have?"

Elsa takes a deep breath and gives Emma a wary look.

"Emma- it's not-" Elsa pauses. "You went through a lot all at once. I don't think anyone could blame you for your choice to try and start a new life for yourself."

Emma gives Elsa a look. "That's not what I asked."

Elsa frowns and turns to face the castle for a few moments in thought before she turns her attention to Emma again. "This is where you grew up. Your family is here."

"So you think I'm wrong," Emma clarifies.

"No, I don't think you're wrong," Elsa sighs. "I just think… Em, if it's because you were running from your responsibility, then, yes. It was wrong for you to leave and think you could leave it behind."

Emma groans, tossing her head back. "You sound like my mother."

Emma pushes herself to her feet. She steps away from the ledge, but Elsa remains where she sits as Emma goes to grab her water bottle from her backpack.

"I know you must have missed your family," Elsa says diplomatically. "But… maybe you couldn't miss them as much as you think you should have because you've been running this whole time. And I know the thought of inheriting something like the crown is scary, but it's not the worst fate you could have."

Emma has a long sip from her water and then lowers the bottle to her middle while she stares out at the kingdom.

"I'm not running. I'm here, aren't I?"

Elsa scoffs and it's then that she rises to her feet to face Emma. "You told me you came for Leo's wedding. You have one foot out the door already."

Elsa steps up to Emma and settles her hands on Emma's arms. Elsa looks worried, her brow knitted deeply while she frowns.

"Look, I'm not one to place judgment because it isn't my place, and I'm not about to scold you, but… you're the princess of Misthaven. A lot of things in life change, but that's something that absolutely never will."

Emma's heart races and falls. She drops her gaze to her feet when Elsa releases her arms and Emma sighs heavily.

"Can we never talk about this ever again?" Emma asks, almost on a whine. She toes at some rocks on the ground and meets Elsa's gaze.

Elsa frowns and drops her shoulders. "Em, this isn't something that can just be swept under the rug and you know it."

Emma groans and licks her lips. She steps away from Elsa and presses her hands over her face. "Well, I'm done talking about it. It's not why I came here. I expected a talk from my parents, but not from you, Els."

Elsa sighs. "Fine. We won't talk about it."

Emma folds her arms against her chest as she faces the view and she watches the sun push further up into the sky.

"So, Henry seems to have taken a liking to Killian."

Emma groans again, this time louder, and tosses her head back. "Really? Why are we talking about _him_ now?"

Elsa shrugs her shoulders wryly when Emma looks back at her. She has a little smile on her lips as she straightens out and bounces on her heels. "I don't know. Sorry I brought it up."

There's a beat of silence and Emma finally tries to clear her head of everything that keeps bothering her, because if hiking in the mountains is good for anything, it's at least good for that.

There is a lot weighing her down, especially now that she's experienced time in the castle, surrounded by memories. Echoes of mistakes keep coming back to haunt her, but at least she has Henry to keep her in the present.

"Maybe we should just stay up here." Emma suggests, still keeping her eyes on the castle.

Elsa chuckles and then sighs. "Emma, you can't keep running forever."

"I'm not-"

"You most definitely are," Elsa cuts her off. Emma looks at her. "You're running from the conversations you need to have and the relationships that you need to mend."

Emma sighs. She knows Elsa's right, but she can't think about mending relationships when it's all she can do to keep breathing every time she's in the same room as her family or Killian.

"It's not easy," Elsa tells her quietly. "But it's the right thing to do and I think you'll find you'll feel better once you do."

Emma grimaces at the idea. "Or we could hang out up here for a while?" She asks, smiling as she shrugs. "Talk about anything that's not Killian or my parents?"

Elsa rolls her eyes. "Fine." She smiles at Emma. "You're lucky I missed you."

/

Killian doesn't sleep.

He hasn't slept well in a very long time, so not sleeping in a foreign bed while his head is still racing isn't a surprise to him in the faintest.

He yanks himself out of his position in his bed to sit with his feet on the floor. He strings his fingers through his hair and sighs heavily.

All he sees in his mind's eye is the accident- feels the pain of the impact and the shock of waking up in the hospital. He sees Milah's apologetic stare and her words, apologetic but harsh, and while he understands why it had to end, he hates himself for even starting to begin with.

Maybe he wouldn't hurt like he does if he hadn't ever approached her in that bar. Maybe the accident wouldn't have happened. Maybe he wouldn't have lost his hand because of it.

Liam would be so angry with him that he's wallowing in his own mistakes. He thinks back on the wrongs he's committed in his life often enough to perfect the voice of his brother in his mind.

"Quit acting as if it's the world's fault for your mistakes and move on already, brother. No use wallowing in grief when you can move on and start fresh with your life."

Killian grimaces at his internal Liam and claps his hand over his eyes on a groan.

Things aren't easy. Starting fresh isn't easy. He's tried that and it landed him here- desperately searching for something in the home of his best friend.

"What are you doing, you git?" Killian mutters aloud.

He forces himself out of his bed and goes to the balcony so he can get some fresh air. It's chilly, but it's oddly satisfying. As he stares up at the stars, he finds himself thinking back to a night he'd spent with Emma in the gardens- stargazing while they lay on a blanket in the grass.

It's a happy memory, but it's tainted with hurt because of where their relationship is now.

He wishes it would be different. He wishes she'd look at him when he speaks to her. He wishes he could talk to her about what he's been doing these past five years.

He just wants his best friend back. He hasn't had anyone he can be completely honest with in such a long time and he misses that feeling of vulnerability.

"Killian, we should choose a star so that no matter where we are, when we look at it, at least we'll have each other." Emma's voice whispers in the back of his mind. Her laughter echoes after it and he sets his gaze on the second star to the right of the moon.

"That one," he repeats his words aloud. "Second star to the right and straight on til morning."

"Neverland," Emma's voice says with skepticism.

Killian can see the look on her face when he closes his eyes and he remembers shifting closer, settling his hand over hers until she laced their fingers together.

"You're made of magic, don't you know?" he'd asked her. "I'm certain you could make me fly if you merely had the thought."

Emma had rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

He stares at the star for a few moments and when he thinks of Emma's expression just a few hours prior when Henry had wished he'd sit between him and his mother, Killian loses his smile and his heart aches.

Killian decides to drink a cup of tea while sitting in the living room with the television on low volume. It's some late night shopping network, but it oddly keeps him entertained while he's sprawled on his sofa.

After he finishes his tea, he just lies back against the pillow on the sofa and watches as the salesperson attempts to sell some sort of lotion by describing its scent.

He must fall asleep, because the next thing he knows, there's a knocking at his door and sunlight pours in through the windows. The channel has cut to a different program and it's noise bothers him so he shuts it off before hurrying to the door.

Killian licks his lips and blinks out the sleep from his eyes just before pulling the door open.

He's surprised to find the queen standing there with Henry bouncing up and down on the floor beside her. He holds her hand and digs his other hand into his mouth to suck on his digits.

"Your Majesty, I thought we were meeting for breakfast 'round eight?" he asks.

He thinks it's probably not quite that time yet, if the look on her face is any indication. She appears anxious and desperate, a worried crease in her brow.

The queen smiles and nods her head. "Yes. We were, but something came up and I actually need to get to a meeting of the court this morning and-" She glances down at the little boy at her side. "Henry needs someone to play with and I know he likes you so-"

Killian can't help but smile a little. "Aye."

He drops to a squat, meeting Henry's gaze. Henry smiles in return, pulling his fist out from his mouth.

"Killy!"

"Hi, Henry," Killian grins. "Would you like to spend some time with me this morning?"

Henry looks up at his grandmother, who nods her head. "It'll just be for a little while. Mama will be back soon and I might even be back before then."

Henry releases the queen's hand and Killian rises to his feet in order to allow Henry into his suite. "I'm afraid it's not quite the child's paradise in here."

The queen hums and nods. "Right. Well, maybe you could take him to Emma's room? She has all of his toys."

He hasn't been to Emma's bedroom since their fight five years ago and he doesn't think she'd take too kindly to him returning while she's away. It makes his stomach jerk violently and he shakes his head at Emma's mother politely.

"Erm… as much as I'm sure Henry would enjoy that, I'd rather not invade Emma's privacy."

Her eyes widen. "You're right. I'm so sorry. I-" She shakes her head and sighs. "I'll be back as soon as I can. In the meantime, just keep him happy and occupied."

Killian nods. "Right." He glances back at Henry when he hears the little boy babble and chatter with himself. "Sounds simple enough."

There's a moment of silence between he and the queen before she nods her head and hurries away. Killian turns around to face Henry and sighs.

"Are you hungry, Henry?"

"Yep!" Henry chirps.

The little boy comes running toward Killian from the living room, a little lopsided grin on his lips. He's still in his pajamas- little cowboy hats and lassos and horseshoes- and his hair looks well slept in. The sight makes Killian's heart squeeze tight.

Killian looks through the cabinets in his mini kitchen, only to find it relatively barren.

"Well, I guess we've got to go on a bit of an adventure." Killian says. He turns to Henry, who scratches at his head as he stands patiently at his side. "How about it, Cowboy? Shall we saddle up and find the kitchen?"

Henry laughs sweetly. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" Killian asks. "Alright. Allow me to get dressed and we can be on our way."

/

Emma laughs when Elsa's attempt at crossing a stream ends in her falling on her rear and getting absolutely soaked.

Elsa gasps in embarrassment before she starts laughing too.

"Well, at least it's not freezing." She scrambles to get herself out of the water and shakes her head. "Leave it to me to fall in the stream on the way back after making such a huge deal out of it to begin with."

Emma laughs. "Come on. We're not too far from the castle. I'm sure they're making something warm for breakfast as we speak."

"Oh that would be amazing. Even just a coffee would be the best." Elsa says hopefully, eyes bright as they continue on the path down the mountain.

They walk in silence for a little while.

"Do you think Henry's awake yet?" Elsa wonders.

Emma chuckles. "Yeah. He has a ridiculous internal clock that wakes him up at seven every morning without a fault." She shakes her head. "I'm not even sure who to blame for that."

Elsa laughs gently. "You know, you're a really good mom, Emma. He's a good boy."

Emma's cheeks feel warm and she doesn't know what to say, so she keeps quiet. Elsa glances at her warily as they continue to walk.

"Have you heard from his dad at all?"

"Nope," Emma replies curtly. "I don't think I ever will and that's fine by me."

Elsa nods. "Yeah."

For a few moments, Emma thinks of him. She doesn't often. This is actually the first time she has in a while.

"What if he's at the wedding?" Elsa wonders aloud.

"He won't be," Emma responds. "My parents know better than to invite the idiot that impregnated their daughter and then ran off because of some ridiculous reason."

It makes her irrationally angry. Her fingers curl into fists by her sides and she actually growls a little under her breath even talking about the vaguest aspects of her son's father.

Elsa must sense it, because she stops walking and settles her hand on Emma's arm to make her do the same. "Are you alright, Emma?"

She isn't pushing. She isn't prying. She's just being kind. After all of the talk they've shared regarding everything she's going through right now, Elsa can probably sense that it's started to pile up.

She's talking about the whole thing- being home, working through all of this stuff in her mind while trying to put on a good show on the outside.

It's not easy to pretend she's okay with the things in her life that have scarred her and wounded her, and maybe she shouldn't, but right now it's the easiest thing to do. She's a mother and she has a life away from this place.

"I…" Emma takes a deep breath and nods. "Yeah. I'm fine." She manages a smile. "Let's get back. Maybe we can go into town and see if we can't find some fresh chocolate."

Elsa smiles slightly at that. "That does sound good."

"Good," Emma says, tilting her head back toward the trail. "Can we get going and stop stalling then?"

"To be fair, I did just fall into the stream."

Emma laughs as she leads the way. "You totally did."

/

"Yeehaw!" Henry shouts as Killian whisks the boy into the kitchen.

Killian laughs and tightens his grasp on the boy. He's sitting on Killian's shoulders rather precariously, but Killian thinks he's managing to keep him safe with his hand on his leg and his blunted wrist against his other.

"Giddy up!"

While he gladly takes Henry into the kitchen acting like a horse, as soon as they enter the busy, bustling kitchen, Killian drops to the ground so he can help Henry dismount.

Henry stays at Killian's side. His eyes are wide and he seems nervous as they walk toward the pantry in search of cereal that he'd seen Henry eating the day before during breakfast.

He isn't sure if Henry has any allergies or preferences, so he thinks cereal is his best and safest bet.

When they enter the walk-in pantry, Henry clings to Killian's leg, causing Killian to look down at the toddler with an arched eyebrow.

"What is it, lad?"

Henry peers up at him and mumbles to himself.

"You must be quite ready for your breakfast." Killian says as he drops his hand to Henry's hair and smooths it back.

He glances back up at the shelves and discovers the cereal boxes not a moment later. He plucks up the box of Cheerios and Henry immediately smiles.

"Alright, then, time to find us a few bowls and spoons."

It's difficult to find bowls and spoons when the kitchen is as busy as it is. Henry becomes frightened of all of the action and Killian can understand it, so he just moves as quickly as he can to find what he's looking for while avoiding the chefs in the kitchen.

"Mama?" Henry asks when one of the kitchen staff comes to stand beside Killian.

She's pretty, a blonde, but she's definitely not Emma. Killian manages a smile at her.

"Good morning. Do you happen to know where the bowls and spoons are? We're attempting to have some cereal." He waves the box at the woman as if it'll support his cause.

She laughs. "Yes. Here." She opens up a drawer and removes two spoons, then goes to a shelf a short ways away. She removes two bowls and returns to them. "Enjoy your cereal."

Killian chuckles. "Thank you, milady."

He takes the bowls and spoons after tucking the Cheerios under his arm. He turns to Henry and lifts his eyebrows excitedly.

"Alright. Let's go see about this cereal, hm?"

Henry isn't looking at him, rather down a ways in the kitchen. "Mama!"

Killian knits his brow in confusion, especially when Henry takes off running. He whirls around to see what he's running to, only to find the princess herself standing in the kitchen with Elsa.

Emma looks a little worn out from her hike, but energized at the same time. She smiles at Henry and gasps when she squats down before him.

"Hi, Bug!" she says sweetly. And then she glances up his way and Killian knows she must have been standing there a while longer than just a few moments.

She hoists Henry onto her hip as she stands up and then she walks his way.

Killian smiles softly at her. "Good morning, Em."

Emma meets his gaze and glances over her shoulder briefly. "Morning. What happened to my mom and dad taking care of him?"

"Ah… there was some sort of emergency of the court," Killian says on a wince. "Your mum woke me up and sort of gave him straight to me so I had no choice in the matter."

Emma nods her head slowly in understanding. She glances down at the box under his arm but says nothing of it.

"Would you care to finish breakfast duties?" he asks, offering her the bowls and spoons. "We were about to go find a place to sit down."

Emma doesn't appear to know what she wants. Her eyes widen slightly as she holds open her mouth and he lifts an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Okay." She grabs the bowls and spoons from him, leaving him with the cereal under his arm. He grabs it with his hand and gives it to Henry, who seems satisfied enough with the new temporary toy.

Killian stares at Emma for a moment and he knows only one thing- he needs to clear the air with her. This cannot continue for much longer if he's ever going to feel at ease with their relationship and staying here.

"Emma," he says quietly. "Do you think we could talk?"

She stares at him, clearly not anticipating the question. He waits for a few moments and he thinks maybe she'll agree by the way she seems to soften just a little.

"Hot chocolates!" Elsa sing-songs as she joins them. It's just enough to snap Emma out of the moment and it takes every chance he'd had at getting to talk and throws it out the nearest door or window.

Killian takes a step back and shuts his mouth on a heavy sigh.

"Oh, good morning, Killian." Elsa says in acknowledgement of him. "How are you?"

Killian nods. "Good."

He stares at Emma and she has a guilty look in her eyes before she tips her head at him. "Thank you for watching him."

"Aye. Not a problem."

Emma holds his gaze as she moves past him and Killian decides in that moment that he'll have to seek her out later so as to not prolong their tension any further.

The tension is a weight on his shoulders he can at least try to fix, so it's as good a place to start as any for how he'll change the course of his life.


	6. Chapter 6

six

The water is warm when Killian reaches in to grab a rock from its shoreline. He rubs his thumb against the smooth surface of it and shuts his eyes before he sends it skipping across the lake in ripples each time the rock bounces upon the surface.

It's peaceful outside by the water, away from the craziness of the castle. Leo and Alistair have yet to return home from wherever it is that they've gone and the king and queen are still kept away in court meetings, so despite being a dreadfully quiet craziness, it still is wild as it is.

Killian's teeth dig into his lower lip as he walks along the shore of the lake. He stares across from where he stands, at the mountains and at the land there, and he begins to dream up a scenario where he builds a cabin to dwell in.

He gets detailed. He considers what he'd do in terms of lumber and plumbing. He considers the decorations and the solitude it would provide.

And then, he looks down at his hand and at his stump and he realizes his dreams aren't as attainable as that.

He hasn't decided how he wants to continue forward with his life. He had a job in the city, but being line cook for a greasy dive has never been his dream and since the accident, he hasn't had even a semblance of desire to return there.

The apartment haunts him. He knows if he goes back, all he'll want to do is drink and sulk himself into a hole, but that is not an option- this much he's decided.

So he's standing here, on the shoreline behind the castle in Misthaven, and he feels small.

He's lost touch with the dreams he'd had as a child. They seem foolish in retrospect, but at least he'd had goals.

Now he just has empty relationships and not much else to turn to.

Killian kicks at the rocks along the shore and shakes his head as he digs his fingers into the hair on the back of his head.

"Killian."

He turns at the sound of his name and finds King David walking toward him, a smile on his lips so kind that Killian can't help but return it.

Beside the king, his trustworthy pup, Wilby. The aging dog seemingly grins at him, too.

"Your Majesty,"

"David," the king insists as he comes to a stop beside him. Wilby sits as if this is all he's ever done his whole life- stick to David's side like glue. "Just call me David, Killian."

Killian sighs. He shakes his head once. "Fine. What can I do for you, David?"

David smiles and shakes his head. "Nothing. I just wanted to know how you were doing. Mary Margaret told me you watched Henry for a while this morning."

A smile spreads on Killian's face and he nods. "Aye. Well, not for terribly long. Emma returned not long after she dropped him at my door."

David hums. "How are you and my daughter doing?"

A pit falls in Killian's stomach. He hasn't been able to talk to her and he's furious with himself over that. It shouldn't be this way- he should have at least said his piece to her by now.

Quickly, yet wearily, Killian turns to David, "I promise we aren't… my intentions are nothing more than-"

"Killian," David's expression is soft and knowing. "I know that things between you are broken. Just… would you like to talk about it?"

Killian stares at the man and tilts his head to the side as he considers his offer. He casts a long stare toward Wilby, whose nose tilts back up at him while he holds his mouth open and tongue out.

If only his life were as simple as Wilby's.

"Ah… as much as I'd love to divest my feelings regarding your daughter to you, David, I'd also rather keep my other hand."

He tosses up his right hand. The joke, said to lighten the mood, only feels like a knife to his stomach and he grimaces because of it.

"Well," David frowns. "Then maybe you won't mind it if I… divest my feelings regarding my daughter to you instead, Killian."

Killian just stares at the king as he leans down to grab a rock from the shore. He examines it for a moment before he skips it along the top of the water and he speaks as he watches the ripples in the lake.

"Emma's… she's prickly and she's hard headed and she won't budge unless she has to."

"Aye. I know."

David sighs heavily. "I just wish she would talk to us. We love her and we want her to be happy. We want to have her home again." He turns back to Killian. "It'll take time. It's not going to happen overnight. Even if I wish it would."

King David, in his age, smiles in a fatherly way. He grabs another rock from the shore and tosses it across the water.

"Would you like a job?" David asks nonchalantly as the water continues to ripple. He kneels down to stroke behind Wilby's ears, much to his appreciation. "To help put you back on your feet? Give you a sense of purpose?"

Killian looks at the man and he just smiles warmly. "I… that might be nice."

"Good," David nods. He leaves a kiss to the top of his dog's head and rubs behind his ears some more. "I know a job that would be perfect for you, actually. You still like boats, right?"

"Aye."

David grins and rises once more. "Follow me."

/

Henry likes to explore. He also likes the bright lights and buttons in the game room.

Leo and Alistair insist on showing them their self-professed baby as soon as they return from their trip out of the country.

"Hey, look at this, little dude!" Alistair says, whipping out a pair of plastic swords from a trunk. "We can play swords!'

Henry immediately grabs for one, but it's too heavy and he drops it, causing them all to laugh. Leo helps him, though, and Emma just watches as her brothers play with her son in a purely heart-melting fashion.

He giggles happily and Emma leans against the wall while she watches the boys go at it.

It doesn't take very long for Henry to get bored of playing swords. He plops himself down on the ground when he's finished and Emma goes to grab him before sitting on the couch with his head in her lap while he falls asleep to the movie on the big screen television.

She's squished between her two brothers and it reminds her of old times. Good times. She knows that they've missed her. She knows there's a lot that they need to catch up on. At least she's trying.

"Em, I'm glad you brought Henry to see us. This was fun." Leo says quietly.

Emma looks over at Leo and he smiles softly at her. "Yeah."

Leo bumps her shoulder and his smile spreads as hers does. "We never really got to talk. You, Alistair, and I."

Emma sighs. She strokes Henry's hair gently and stares down at her sleeping boy as her brother's turn toward her.

"I don't… what do you want to talk about?" Emma asks.

Leo shrugs. "Anything. How are you? It's been awhile."

"Good. I guess." Emma replies. "How about you? You're getting married. How'd that happen?"

Leo rolls his eyes and Emma laughs to herself before a certain somberness falls over them.

"She and I just make sense." Leo says seriously. "It wasn't a moment in particular that I knew. It was just… right. Like it's always been her and us."

Emma stares at Leo and feels a pang of guilt wash over her.

Alistair snorts. "Leopold, why are you such a romantic? I thought I'd only have to deal with Mom and Dad's gushy love stuff. Now you?"

Emma chuckles. She shoves at Leo teasingly. "Yeah, Leo, what's that all about?"

Leo scoffs and rolls his eyes. His phone chirps from within his pocket and he fishes it out. After giving it a brief scan, Emma can tell an idea has overcome him when he smiles wryly at her.

"Oh, I know that look," Emma teases. "What do you want me to do?"

Leo lifts his eyebrows. "How would you feel going into town for a while with Alex and I? We have some wedding errands we need to do today."

Emma drops her shoulders and gives him a look. "Leopold-"

"I want you and Alex to get to know each other," Leo tells her. "She's going to be part of our family. Aren't you a little curious about her?"

Emma sighs heavily and drops her gaze to the little boy sleeping in her lap. Her fingers smooth back his hair as she calculates the possibilities for her day.

If she stays, she'll likely run into her parents or Killian, and those are conversations she can't fathom at the moment. She can handle Leo and his fiancée, though, if only for a little while.

"Okay," Emma tells Leo with a heavy sigh. "If you insist that I tag along."

Leo cracks a grin that doesn't fall away until Alexandra walks into the room wearing a pretty dress and an even prettier smile. She goes to his side, like a magnet drawn to another, and Emma averts her gaze when they kiss.

"So, Alex, Emma says she's game for going into town with us."

Alexandra's eyes widen and she gasps gently. She crosses the room toward Emma, who now stands with a freshly awoken boy on her hip.

"Oh, that's wonderful! We haven't really been able to connect at all and I've been looking forward to getting to know you."

Emma smiles at the woman her younger brother has decided to marry and nods her head. They are going to be sisters soon and Emma doesn't know how to feel about that.

The bubble of people she'll be leaving behind after the wedding gets bigger by the day.

/

The nearest town to the castle in the kingdom of Misthaven is a little thing. The kingdom itself doesn't take up much space as it is, and there are only a few populated areas within it, but the town on the cusp of the castle used to be Emma's favorite.

There are little shops and plenty of eateries, all of them homegrown and local. The people of the town are kind to a fault and admire the royals with all that they are, which is why when Emma goes into town with her brother, she has what feels like an anxiety attack.

People tend to keep their distances, but there are some of the locals that want to talk or get a photo, and while Emma could probably handle this sort of thing if she were committed to actually being the princess, now she wishes she hadn't ever left the dingy apartment in the city.

At first, it's the worst. But when they get where they're going- to a little consignment shop with so many trinkets and doo-dads that Emma doesn't know where to begin- she can breathe again.

There's a photographer on their heels, but she's able to block out the flashes as Leo and Alexandra laugh and ask her questions about what she thinks would be good table decorations.

"How about something like this?" Leo asks playfully, grabbing a torn up top hat from a shelf and plopping it on Alexandra's head.

She laughs. "That doesn't even make sense, babe."

Emma has Henry at her side and as they stroll through the quaint shop, he keeps trying to get his fingers on everything he sets his eyes on. She has to stop more than once to tell him to put something down.

"Princess Emma!" a woman with a sweet smile and two little children says. "Sorry for coming up to you like this, but my little ones would like to meet you."

Emma manages a smile. Henry immediately wants to play with the woman's children and a little ball he finds on the nearest shelf.

Her heart tugs at the sight of the children. They look tired and hungry and as if they haven't bathed in a while, but playing with Henry gives them joy that brightens their eyes. She looks up at their mother, who seems to take Emma's look for something it isn't as she starts asking her kids to back away from Henry.

"Oh, no, it's okay," Emma insists. "They can play."

The woman grips her children's hands and takes a step back. "No, Your Highness, I apologize. It wasn't proper of me. I just- you looked so pretty and my children haven't seen royalty before. I just wanted to let them meet you and-"

Emma frowns and shakes her head. "What's your name?"

"Rose," the woman says quietly.

"Rose," Emma smiles. "I'm Emma. This is Henry. I think I saw a little play area toward the front of the store. Maybe we can let them blow off some steam while my brother and his fiancée shop?"

They find two chairs- or the store owner finds two chairs and insists on giving Emma a cushion and offering her tea- and have a seat near the shop window where a crowd has gathered and are taking photos and video with their phones while Emma tries to just let her kid play for a little while.

"How long have you lived here?" Emma wonders.

Rose shrugs. "Just a little while. We moved here after my husband left us. Needed a fresh start."

Emma hums. She drops her gaze to the kids and finds Henry giggling as he helps the little girl and boy build a tower.

She sort of can see herself in this situation, except she had her parents' money behind her when she left, and it appears that this woman is struggling to get by.

"Well, this is a nice place to live," Emma says. She turns her attention to Rose and her heart fills with the desire to help this woman, so she nibbles on her lower lip and scoots forward in her chair. "Maybe… maybe I can help you get on your feet. I could get you and your kids some clothes and toys and food for a few weeks?"

Rose's eyes widen and she gasps. "Oh, I couldn't ask you to-"

"No, I insist," Emma says firmly. "I know exactly what you're going through and I know what it's like to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders but you can't do anything about it." Emma reaches over for Rose's hand and gives it a squeeze. "I want to help you. If you'll let me."

/

She's sitting on her sofa, watching old episodes of even older television while Henry sleeps. Her phone is on silent and it keeps lighting up, but she refuses to look at it. Instead, she focuses on the words on the screen of her laptop and nibbles on her lower lip.

"Mama?" Henry's voice breaks her away from what she's reading and she looks up. Henry stands in the doorway of her bedroom, wiping his eye sleepily. "Monsters."

Emma frowns. "Baby, there aren't any monsters."

He used to think monsters were in the walls of their apartment because their neighbors used to stay up late talking or arguing. Usually, when he cries monster it's because he just wants to see her.

"There are," Henry insists.

Emma sighs. She settles her laptop down and gets up from where she's sitting in order to go to him. She walks with him into her bedroom, turns on the light, and holds her arm out.

"I don't see any, Bug."

Henry inches toward her when there's a loud noise coming from the outside. She tilts her head curiously and walks toward her bedroom window.

Outside, directly below her window, she finds Killian Jones laughing and talking animatedly with Robin from the bar in town. There's someone else with them, a woman she hasn't met before, but they keep skipping rocks across the lake while they talk.

"Bug, that's not a monster," Emma turns to her son. "They're just talking kind of loudly."

Henry pushes up on his toes to try to see what she does and Emma sighs as she hoists him up. His eyes widen and he gasps.

"Killy!"

Emma carries Henry back to bed and he points to the window. "Mama, I want to see Killy."

"You can't," Emma replies. She tucks him in under the sheets and he frowns at her. "Henry, it's late. You need to sleep."

Her son pushes back the sheets and stands up in bed. Emma gives him a hard look.

"Henry, we're not going to visit anyone right now." There's suddenly a knock at her door and Emma sighs heavily as she glares in the direction of the door. "Okay, on second thought, I think your grandparents have decided to stop by because Mommy was a little crazy today."

"Crazy," Henry repeats.

"Mm," Emma hums. "Come on. If you're set on not sleeping."

She leaves the bedroom with Henry stomping behind her, making growling noises. He's being _crazy_. It's his favorite thing to do when she says the word.

Emma goes to the door of her mini apartment and opens it, finding both of her parents standing there with expectant looks on their faces.

"So we heard you were busy today," her mother says with an encouraging smile.

Emma nods once. "Yeah. Sorry. I wasn't-"

"No, no, no," Mary Margaret says. "It's okay, Emma. Helping people is what we do. You were just helping someone that needed help."

Her father winces slightly. "Though… you could've asked first?"

Emma glances behind her when Henry comes close enough and he wraps his arms around her leg, hiding behind her in silence.

"I said sorry," Emma tells them. "I don't…"

"Emma, we don't want to fight with you and we're not mad that you did what you did," Mary Margaret tells her. "We just want-"

Emma looks between them when her mother looks up at her father. He meets Emma's eyes.

"We just want to talk. It's been a day since you got here and we haven't heard anything about how school is going or about how you are." Her father shakes his head. "We've missed you, Emma. That's all."

Her mother nods in agreement. "Yes. And we want to talk, but only when you're ready. If that's now, or if that's tomorrow, or… a year down the line-" Her mother's voice wavers with hesitancy and she shakes her head. "That's fine. We just want you to know we love you, no matter what you do or who you choose to be."

Emma stares at her parents for a few moments. In her heart, she wants to talk right now, but her tongue can't find the words.

She just nods.

"Okay," her father says. "Goodnight, Emma." Her father tilts his head and then drops to his knees before Emma, using his gentle fingers pulled out into an open palm to lure Henry. "Goodnight Henry. Can I get a high five?"

Henry hesitates, but then smiles and smacks his grandfather's hand before hiding again. It pulls at Emma's heart- knowing her son doesn't feel very comfortable around his own family. It shouldn't be like this.

"Night night!" Henry mumbles against Emma's leg.

When her parents are gone, Emma shuts her bedroom door and turns around to face her son. She realizes that he doesn't know them and it's something that she resolves to change.

"Come on to bed, Baby Bug," Emma says. She walks with her son to the bed and lies down with him.

He blinks at her in the dim light of her bedroom and shifts toward her. "Mama, I love you all the way to the moon."

Emma can't help but smile at her son. "I love you all the way to the moon and all the way back again."

Henry gasps. "That's so many."

"It is," Emma says, concealing a laugh as she brushes back his hair. Emma watches him for a few moments.

"Story, Mommy?"

Emma takes a breath and considers all of the stories she's told him in the past. She knows which ones he likes the best and which help him fall asleep fastest.

Her parents don't even know how he chooses what to wear to bed or his favorite food or his favorite song.

And while she knows grandparents don't need to know these things, she knows her parents have always dreamed of the day that they'd have a grandchild to spoil. They'd always thought he'd live with them, though. Not miles and miles away.

"I don't know, kid," Emma murmurs. "Do you have any good stories to tell me?"

Henry makes a noise. "Mommy!"

"What?" Emma giggles. She watches as Henry shakes his head and puts his face in his palms. "Okay, okay. How about… once upon a time, there was a mommy bug who loved her little baby bug with all of her heart but couldn't think of a bedtime story to tell him so she just said goodnight, baby bug! I'll see you in the morning!"

Henry laughs and swats at her wildly. Emma laughs with him until he softens out and she leaves a kiss to his head.

"How about I sing? Can I sing instead?"

Henry stares at her with a frown until he nods. "Okay."

"Okay," Emma breathes out.

She watches his face and strokes back his hair as she begins to sing and listens as he hums along to his favorite parts of the song until he falls asleep.

"Goodnight, Henry. Maybe I'll figure this whole 'who am I' thing out tomorrow."


	7. Chapter 7

seven

There's something about staring at the water that comforts him. He and Liam used to come out to this body of water just to stare at it. Sometimes they'd sit on the edge of the dock and dangle their feet against the water. Most times, they'd skip rocks.

Killian sighs heavily as he stands at the shoreline. He's fresh off of a run on one of the nearby trails and music still plays steadily in his ears as he watches the sunrise.

He's started working on one of the ships in the harbor of the lake that connects to the rivers that take ships downstream. It's called _The Jewel of the Realm_ and it's a truly beautiful ship.

He'd spent the past day learning about her, mostly, and today he's due to return and start cleaning and ensuring the rigging is tied down properly.

Killian pivots on his heel to face the castle. He stares up at Emma's bedroom window and his heart stops when he finds her standing there staring back at him.

Almost immediately, she turns away, having been caught in the act, and Killian licks his lips and starts to walk toward the castle again so he can go change clothes before he goes to work.

He grabs an apple from the kitchen on his way through and doesn't take his ear buds out until he's standing in his bedroom. He makes sure he doesn't make eye contact with very many people because he still feels something of an outsider here in the castle.

It being that he hasn't reconciled with Emma just yet, he feels as if he's still stuck. He needs to talk to her soon or he'll lose his mind.

He's spent the last few days struggling. Struggling to maintain some sense of composure. Struggling to know exactly where he belongs here. Struggling to cope with the loss in his life while trying to move on.

Killian still isn't used to showering with one hand.

Thankfully, the king and queen had the foresight of sort of preparing his bathroom for his single-handedness and he has pumps attached to the wall with shampoo and soap. But it's still something else- looking down at his battered arm and finding that there isn't anything at the end.

He grimaces after he steps out of the shower and towels off before he steps back out into his bedroom to find his clothes.

"Oh!"

His cheeks burn warmly at the sound of the female voice and he immediately steps back into his bathroom for a towel that he wraps around his middle and holds in place as he inches his way back out.

With wide eyes, he turns to properly see who's standing in his living room. It's the queen of Misthaven.

"Bloody hell, apologies."

The queen holds up her hands and shakes her head. "No," the queen blushes. "No, it's my fault. You were in the shower- my fault completely for coming in without your permission."

Killian hesitates as he stares at the woman and he clears his throat. "So how can I be of service, Your Majesty?"

Queen Mary Margaret smiles softly and nods her head.

In all of the time he's known the queen, she's always been very purposeful in her interactions. She's always kind and loving and warm. She's always been the mother he'd lost as a child, in a way, even if she never aimed to be.

"Right. I'm here because I wanted to thank you for watching Henry for me yesterday. Things have been sort of crazy around here with… the wedding and with you three coming to stay with us again."

She shakes her head as she trails off. Killian can sense there's something she's keeping secret, something she wants to tell him, so he arches an eyebrow and waits patiently.

"Aye. It's a bit much."

The queen hums. She steps toward his balcony and sighs as she stares outside.

"My husband and I are ready for a break. We love this kingdom and the people so much, but… it's been a long time and we haven't had a single day for ourselves or our marriage in so long." She turns back to him with a frown. "Will you promise me something?"

Killian's heart starts racing and he shakes his head. "Perhaps."

Mary Margaret smiles a little. "Promise you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. It's still a work in progress and we're trying to get things in order."

Killian nods slowly. "Aye. I won't speak a word."

The queen pauses for a few moments as she stares at him. "Well, we're about to retire and… we want Emma to inherit the throne."

Killian's eyes widen. He knows Emma ran because she didn't want that to happen. He also knows it's her legal obligation. And to think that her parents want to give her the throne right now is a wild idea. Emma wouldn't want that right now and he imagines the king and queen are quite aware of the fact.

"After the wedding madness, of course," the queen says before he can say anything. "We're hoping this trip home is going to help soften her up to the idea." She shrugs. "She's already leant help to a family in need. Just yesterday she gave to a single mother and her two children on a whim."

Killian smiles at the thought. He'd heard about it. Of course he had. He's taken to watching gossip on television late at night when he can't sleep.

"So I guess I've come to you this morning, Killian, because…" Mary Margaret pauses. "Because I think you're the key to opening her up again."

Killian tilts his head toward his shoulder and gives the queen a sorrowful look. "Your Majesty… I'm not…" He shakes his head. "I'm in no place to do that. Quite frankly, I've got too much in my own life to worry over."

The queen frowns sadly. "I know, Killian." She shuts her eyes briefly and her brow furrows. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come to you with this. It's my burden to bear if Emma doesn't want the throne."

Killian watches as the queen studies her hands. "If she refuses, what will happen?"

"Well," she sighs. "Leo would be next in line. There would obviously be a lot of backlash to deal with. The people love Emma. The court adores her, even if she was blunt and prickly as ever when she used to sit in with us." Mary Margaret pauses. "And the thing is, when I was her age, I didn't want it either, but I had no choice. I was an only child. My parents had both passed on. I was forced to take the throne and Emma-"

Though she cuts herself short, Killian understands where her frustration was leading her. He stares down at the floor for a few moments.

"How do you suppose I would help matters?" he asks softly.

The queen hums thoughtfully. "When Emma left, she had lost her sense of direction, and I have a feeling it began when she lost you."

Killian feels overwhelmed with regret. He often thinks back to those days of change in his relationship with Emma and he hates himself for acting as selfishly as he did.

Killian takes a deep breath and nods at the queen. "We've yet to talk about much of what happened between us."

"I imagined as much," she sighs. "Well, there's still time." She smiles slightly. "Now, just so you're aware, we'll be hosting a party tomorrow night in honor of Alexandra's parents coming in for wedding preparations. I'd love it if you could come. It's casual dress, so don't worry about wearing a suit. Just… not that one."

Killian glances down at himself and laughs, his cheeks heating up with the queen. "Aye. Don't worry, Your Majesty, I'll find something to wear in time."

The queen giggles. "Good. I'm glad you're here, Killian. I've missed you."

/

Emma sits at the dining room table with her brothers, Elsa, and her son. They're eating the world's best pancakes and sharing their schedules for the day when their parents enter the room.

She figures it's a good first step in resolving this family tension that's been hovering over them for these past few days. That, and Henry was getting a little stir-crazy in their room.

"Emma!" her mother smiles. "Good morning!"

Emma smiles back at her mother. "Morning. Henry wanted some pancakes."

"And Uncle Leo taught him how to fist bump." Leo says, holding out his fist so Henry will do the same.

Henry, mid-chew, hesitates before curling a fist and pounding it against Leo's extended hand. Everyone laughs and Emma rolls her eyes a little at Leo before she has a bite of breakfast herself.

"So the wedding is officially two weeks away," her mother announces. "Which means we're going to be in full panic mode for a while."

Leo scoffs. "Mom. Please."

"Leo, it's your wedding," their mother argues. "It's a big deal. Am I not allowed to want the best wedding for you?"

Emma laughs under her breath at the banter and smiles when her son looks up at her with a big grin.

"It's just a fancy party, Mom," Leo replies as he lifts his cup of coffee.

Their father gives him a look. "Watch who you say that to-"

"Leo, it's much more than a party," their mother sighs. She grabs a piece of fruit from the bowl on the table and shakes her head. "The whole kingdom will be watching. The world will be watching."

Emma exchanges glances with Leo, who frowns a little. "Well, thanks for that, Mom. Nerves are now at an all time high."

Alistair chuckles.

"Ali, shut up." Leo smacks Alistair and the two boys go at it until their father clears his throat.

"So, Em," the king says. "What are you doing today?"

Emma sighs. She wraps her hands around her mug of hot chocolate and shrugs. "I was going to go visit Rose for a little while this afternoon to check in on her. And Elsa and I were going to go riding and see if Henry wants to try."

Her parents both nod. An awkward silence falls over them and Emma finds herself staring at her plate wishing she could leave.

"It'll be fun," Elsa chirps up. "I think Henry will like riding a horse."

Emma nods in agreement and her parents both hum. It's almost as if they're offended Emma didn't ask them first if they wanted to take Henry horseback riding.

"Killian should be joining us any minute," her mother says casually, as if that'll make her want to stay.

She looks over at Henry's plate, and when she finds him a sticky mess, she's actually glad for once in her life.

Just as she's standing up, Killian enters the room, freshly showered, and immediately, their eyes meet. Emma's throat tightens up and her heart races as she lifts her son up from the table. She takes his hand and walks toward the door.

"He's a mess, so we're going to go clean up," Emma briefly explains.

She makes the common mistake of meeting Killian's gaze and chills run up her arms. They haven't talked yet and it's for a good reason. She's fairly certain she wouldn't make it through a single discussion with him without crying or breaking down and she doesn't have time for that.

Emma takes Henry up to their room so she can clean him up and he giggles happily when she gives his cheeks kisses afterward.

"Okay. All clean. Let's see if we can't go do something fun today, Bug. Do you want to go see a horse?"

Henry's eyes grow wide. "Horse?"

"Yeah," Emma grins. "Like cowboys ride. You want to be a cowboy?"

There's a knock at Emma's door and she assumes it's probably Elsa, seeing as she'd texted her friend to see if she'd be able to come by earlier than they'd planned. She opens the door without preamble and stops short as soon as she sees who it is.

"Killian," she breathes. "What are you doing?"

He manages a little smile. "I… I just thought I'd come ask if you would like to come by and see my ship."

Emma narrows her eyes. "Your ship?"

Killian nods. "Aye. I've started working on a ship." He looks hopeful. His smile is soft and his eyes are softer, though his soft expression fades uneasily. "And I thought maybe we could talk?"

Emma glances over her shoulder. "I'm a little busy right now."

"Later then?" he presses. "After Henry's gone to sleep?"

In all honesty, she doesn't want to talk to him. She'd rather talk to her parents first and get that talk out of the way.

Emma must hesitate for long enough, because she sees his shoulders fall and the hopefulness fades quickly. He slowly nods his head before he takes a small step back.

"Hey Mama!" Henry says as he walks up behind her. She doesn't have enough time to get him to turn around, because the next thing past his lips is, "Killy!"

Emma sighs heavily. She watches as her son steps past her and into the hall where Killian stands. He grins up at his friend and Killian drops to his knees so he can be at eye-level with him.

"Hi, Henry," Killian says cheerfully.

"We're gonna go see horses!" Henry announces.

"You are?" Killian wonders. "That sounds like it'll be awfully fun, Cowboy."

Henry bobs his head. "Yep!"

Killian laughs under his breath and reaches out to touch Henry's arm. "Well, you have fun, okay? I've got to go to work."

"Where do you work?" Henry wonders.

"Henry," Emma says, rolling her eyes. Her son doesn't look away from Killian.

"Down by the water," Killian replies. "On a boat."

Henry considers what that means for a few moments before he nods his head. "Maybe I can see you. I go to the water a lot. There are ducks there."

And then Henry's done talking to Killian. He turns around and goes back into the room. Emma sighs and presses her fingers over her face as Killian stands up.

"Sorry. Um…" Emma shakes her head. She meets Killian's eyes and he just smiles.

"Your boy is endlessly entertaining. I don't mind it one bit."

Emma laughs once. "Yeah. I don't know where he gets it."

She glances over her shoulder to find her son singing to himself as he walks around in circles.

"Will you come meet with me tonight?" Killian asks. When Emma turns around again, she hesitates for longer than necessary. "Em, I just miss my best friend."

It seems like everyone misses her lately. First her parents, now him. And while she can understand her parents missing her, she can't even start to understand Killian's reasoning.

She furrows her brow slightly. "Well, look who's talking to me about missing their best friend."

Killian opens his mouth and then closes it.

"I don't have a lot of free time in my schedule," she lies. "Wedding prep and-" She shakes her head elaborately. "There's just a lot going on."

Killian clenches his jaw and she swallows thickly.

They're both so lonely. She sees it in his eyes and hears it in the sound of his voice. But she doesn't want to talk to him yet.

Maybe it's because she hasn't quite forgiven him yet. Maybe it's because after all this time she still loves him. Maybe it's because they're both standing in the very room where he broke her heart five years ago.

She knows she's being completely irrational. All she has to do is talk to him and apologize and hear him out. Then she'll have her best friend again and she won't feel half as empty as she does.

But she realizes, as she's searching the depths of his eyes, that these feelings she has for him are terrifying. He probably doesn't feel them for her. He can't possibly feel anything for her. And it isn't like he has space right now in his life for her or Henry. He's still healing and getting over his last relationship.

She needs to protect herself from heartache, but she also needs to protect Henry.

"I'll be on my ship until ten thirty tonight if you change your mind," Killian says quietly.

When he turns around, Emma releases a pent-up sigh and closes her bedroom door. Leaning back against it, she shuts her eyes.

"Mama, can we go see the horses now?"

"Yeah, Kid," Emma pulls on a smile. "Sure thing."


	8. Chapter 8

eight

Henry adores the horses. He won't stop smiling and it makes Emma feel just a little bit happier seeing him so overjoyed to be witnessing the creatures.

The barn smells like livestock and the natural aromas that provides and Emma wears a pair of boots that she's never been happier for, especially when she narrowly misses stepping into a pile of crap.

One of the horse handlers asks if they'd like to take turns riding one of the horses around the fenced area beside the barn and Henry begs her until she thinks he might cry.

So, she allows Henry to ride while the handler keeps a firm grip on the horse and he giggles excitedly. "Mama! I'm a cowboy!"

Emma laughs and Elsa does too. Both of them stand next to the fence with the sun providing a warm glow to the mid morning festivities. Thankfully, the barn isn't near the water, so she has no reason to even think about Killian Jones and his request to meet later tonight.

"Yeah, you are!" Emma calls back to her son.

Elsa hums warmly. "How long has he been obsessed?"

"Too long," Emma chuckles.

She and Elsa watch Henry in silence for a few moments and Elsa turns toward her. "So this morning you left breakfast in a hurry."

Emma looks at Elsa and shakes her head on a scoff as she gives her attention back to her son. "I didn't feel comfortable."

Elsa sighs. "Em…"

"Elsa, it's okay. We're just not going to be together. Or friends. It's fine. Sometimes that happens."

When Emma glances over at her friend, the queen gives her a hard look. "Emma, you're awfully stubborn even when you know you're wrong."

Emma's stomach twists. She drops her gaze to the ground for a moment. "He wants me to meet him tonight to talk."

Elsa's eyes widen. "Are you going to go?"

"I don't know." Emma shrugs. "He's… he's going through a lot right now and I am too. I don't know if either of us is in the right place for talking."

"Don't you miss him, though? You used to be best friends."

"I do," Emma replies diplomatically. "But we're different people now. I don't know if we could ever get there again."

Elsa frowns. "But what if you could? What if when you talk to him tonight things are clear and you find peace with him?" Emma glances over at Elsa, but she can't come up with an argument. "He's not going anywhere soon and neither are you."

"I just don't want to get hurt again. And I don't want Henry to get hurt." Emma bubbles over. "And it's not like he's going to hurt us but he's broken and hurting on his own. There's no telling what will happen if we-"

"If you were friends again?" Elsa offers. "Honestly, I think you'd be friends."

Emma rolls her eyes and faces forward again. She drapes her arms over the fence rung and bites on her lip.

"I'm not going to see him tonight."

"He'll be heartbroken, Em. He's already been through more than enough of that."

For a moment, she thinks of the look on his face earlier this morning when they'd briefly had an argument. He'd been so lost and hopeless.

"I know."

She watches as Henry finishes his second circle around the fenced area and the attendant standing with him asks him if he wants to go again. He doesn't respond right away, which is reason enough for Emma to hop the fence and go treat Henry to a hug when she helps him off of the horse.

"It was so fun, Mommy," Henry says, awed. "Can I do it again?"

Emma laughs. "Yes. You can do it again."

/

Emma doesn't show.

It doesn't surprise him, but part of him had been hopeful that she'd at least give it a try. That she'd have heart enough to have some pity on him. It's not as if he'd asked her on a date. He just wanted to talk.

Killian starts to get wound up as he walks himself back to his bedroom and he sighs, taking his hand over his head. He can't think of any good reason she wouldn't show up unless she's still running from him.

He doesn't understand why they can't have a single conversation of worth or substance. Maybe they weren't ever truly friends to begin with if he can't manage to coax her out of her shell to speak with him.

Killian huffs a heavy sigh as he slumps down onto the sofa.

He smells like the water and he feels like he could probably pass out, finally, but while he watches the show he's become accustomed to watching at night, he starts getting worked up because Emma won't talk to him.

It has been a few days since he's entered her company again and it isn't as if they never see each other. He just wants things to be normal again. He just wants to call her his friend again, if even only that.

He needs his thoughts out in the open between them.

At first, he keeps his thoughts to himself, staring at the screen as he tries to forget about how frustrated he is that she wouldn't at least try to speak with him tonight. But then one hour turns into two and suddenly, he's standing up and it's nearly three in the morning while he paces around.

He wishes he had someone to talk to about this. His internal Liam has shut up for once and Killian finds himself without any guidance whatsoever on the matter.

The real crux of this problem is that Emma is the one thing he can get right at this point in his life. He's lost his hand, his last relationship crumbled, and he can't even return to the place he called home because it's filled with memories he'd like to forget.

This is his home and while in some ways it very much feels that way, with each passing hour that Emma spends distancing herself from him, he feels even more lost than he was in the moments before he saw her at her apartment door.

"Bloody hell," Killian takes his hand over his face and stares at his door.

He decides in a heartbeat what he's going to do and he knows it's not going to end well, but this is something that _has_ to happen.

If he can resolve this broken relationship with Emma, maybe he can get some other aspects of his life in order too.

/

Emma can't sleep. It's almost three in the morning and she's spent all of the night so far staring at the harbor outside from the perch of her window seat.

She saw the moment Killian left his position on the deck of his ship. Saw the hurt in the way he sagged his shoulders and how he shuffled back inside again.

She feels bad in retrospect for doing what she did. Elsa was right- if they don't talk they'll never cultivate a friendship again. And in protecting herself, she's also keeping herself from that.

Henry's sound asleep in the bed when she checks on him. He's cuddling with one of her stuffed animals that she'd found hidden in her closet and Emma feels drawn to return there, so she flicks on the light in the closet and walks through it.

She has a lot of memories that come back as she stares at the clothes still in the closet, but what she's interested in finding again is hidden at the back of the closet, hidden behind dresses in dress bags.

Emma pushes the bags out of the way and reveals to herself two identical boxes, one with Killian's name and the other with Neal's.

Emma falls to her knees and nibbles nervously on her lower lip as she pulls Killian's box out toward her. She peels it open and her heart feels overwhelmed at what she finds inside.

There are so many memories in each item within the box that Emma feels like crying. She gently lifts a stack of photos, kept together with a rubber band, and she briefly looks through them. They used to take pictures a lot together, mostly so she'd have something to hang on her wall, and all of the photos make her smile as a whole even if things suck right now between them.

She sets the photos aside and pulls out one of Killian's sweatshirts that he'd left behind. She brings it to her nose and she can oddly still smell him in it. Emma settles it on her lap as she digs in the box.

She brings out a few of the books he'd left in her living room and removes the boxes of jewelry he'd gifted her over the years of their friendship.

There are silly little things, like seashells or little trinkets he'd bring her, and then there are weightier things, like love letters he'd written out by hand and left for her. She has a whole stack of them that she fingers through carefully, as if they're ancient documents meant to be preserved.

These hurt the most. He'd poured out so much into them back when they were together and after it all fell apart, she spent hours lamenting over if any of it was real- if their relationship was even real and true at all to him.

She finds one of her former favorite letters, the one she used to keep by her bedside and read time and time again, and she finds herself wanting to look at his swirling cursive again.

 _My Princess,_

 _Please forgive my idiocy on the matter of the proper ways of courting you. There isn't a book on the matter, unfortunately. (Yes, I've looked. Please stop laughing at me.) Regardless of this fact, I'm leaving you this note because I am an idiot and I completely forgot to tell you how lovely you looked today._

The letter goes on for a while. He practically writes poetry that she can recite even now. Emma folds up the letter before she can reach the end ( _p.s. I love you. p.s. Truly, I do._ ) and she stuffs the letters down on the floor beside the photographs.

Emma finds his baseball cap that he'd picked up while they went on a trip to the US together during their first month dating and she settles it on her head. She sighs when she can practically smell the ballpark and feel his arm around her while they watched from one of the box seats.

"You look really cute," she remembers telling him before plucking the hat from him.

It hadn't really fit her head, so she had to adjust it to, and then his voice murmurs in the back of her mind, "Not as cute as you."

She remembers the feeling under her breastbone- her heart racing so wildly she swore he had to have heard it in that moment, just because of the way he was staring at her.

She remembers threading her fingers into his hair just to tease him and she remembers the quick press of his lips to her cheek, tentative and sweet before he wrapped his arms around her middle and held her as they watched the game.

Emma sighs and removes the hat from her head. She settles it down on the floor.

The worst thing she has, the one thing that truly should be in this box, is hanging from a chain around her neck. She reaches up to her chest, slips her fingers down the front of her shirt, and removes the chain so the ring presses against her palm.

Emma studies the ring, slipping her index finger into it before she closes her eyes.

It had been a rainy day and incredibly lazy for both of them. She just came back from a trip to court and both of them sprawled out on the couch together.

"Em?" his voice asks in a quiet murmur.

"Yeah?"

"I want you to have something of mine."

The memory is interrupted when there's suddenly a knock at the door. Her heart skips a beat and she furrows her brow in confusion.

Before she stands up, Emma hides the ring under her shirt.

The visitor knocks again as she hurries out to check and see if it's some sort of emergency, and irritated, Emma yanks the door open.

Her shoulders fall and she shakes her head immediately. "Killian-"

"Emma, why do you keep blowing me off?" he asks in a quiet tone, but angrier than she could've anticipated. "First in the kitchen, then tonight-"

"Killian, it's the middle of the night," she hisses in response.

Killian's jaw clenches and he shakes his head. "Can we please just talk?"

For a few moments, she hesitates, just staring at him silently as their chests heave with pent-up feelings. Emma feels nauseous and terrified, yet hopeful, all at once. Her heart races in her ears and she feels a chill as she reaches for the doorknob.

"Fine. Out in the hall, please. I don't want Henry to wake up."

They go out into the hall in a heavy silence. Emma closes her door behind her and her heart races as she stares down at her sock-covered toes. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know what _he_ wants to say.

"I know I apologized before, but I truly am sorry, Emma," Killian says quietly.

Emma looks up at him and searches his eyes. She can't find the words to speak, so she watches as he scans her face and sighs.

"I came here with you because I didn't have anywhere else to go." Killian says. "And now, as I try to figure out the next step in my life, I can't help but realize that you're incredibly important to me and I miss you." He shakes his head. "I miss having the opportunity of being your best friend."

She stares at him in silence and a knot tightens in her throat. She shakes her head.

They just feel like _words_ to her. Probably because the last time she heard from him was one of the worst conversations of her life.

While she wants to believe he could want to be friends again, she doesn't know how he could do it.

"Killian, I- what happened _wrecked_ me." Emma tells him bluntly. "And it wasn't you leaving after we broke up that hurt most. It was the phone call. You told me you were disappointed in my choice to leave. You didn't know what was going on. After you left, everything was hazy and… and I got knocked up by someone that promised me he wouldn't be like you, but he ran out on me the first chance he got. Just like you did."

She stares at Killian thoughtfully. "At least with you, I couldn't blame it all on you at the beginning. But then one week turned into two, which turned into a month, and that somehow turned into six and-" Emma shakes her head, eyes wide as the emotions she's felt for years finally come forward with ease. "And you didn't tell me where you were. You didn't care how I was coping, so why should I have cared so much about losing you? I loved you. For a lot longer than I should have."

It sits like a lie on her tongue. She drops her gaze for a moment and swallows the lump forming in her throat.

The truth is, she still loves him- no matter how much and how often she tries to deny it- and talking to him so candidly about everything isn't helping keep the awful secret hidden deep down. Now, it's sitting at the edge of her tongue and all she wants is for this argument to be over so she can ignore it again.

Emma folds her arms across her chest and finds Killian silent, looking like a wounded animal. But she can't let his appearance cut her point short.

"And what sucks the most is that you never-"

Emma pauses again, licking her lips as she carefully considers her next brutally honest words.

"You never cared enough to ask because you're selfish, Killian. You assumed I would be okay without _you_ , my _best friend_ , for what, a year and a half? You called me a year and a half after we broke up." Emma laughs out of hysteria. "The worst part is that you're still the same way. You just want me to be okay with how things happened because you want to use us."

Killian gives her a look. "What? Emma that's-"

"You want to smooth things over with me," she says, eyes widening, "and then you want to use me and my kid to fill the holes in your heart. We can't do that for you."

He looks grieved, his brows knitted and eyes sad. He shakes his head slowly.

"That was never my intention, Emma. I just want to be friends. I've got to start somewhere. How can I prove to you I have no ill intention?"

Emma suddenly feels weary and tired. Her ears ring and she feels her eyelids struggling to remain open as she stands there in the silence of the hallway with Killian.

"I don't know," Emma says quietly.

Killian takes his fingers through his hair and steps backwards for a moment while he gathers himself with a frustrated intake of breath. Clearly, he doesn't know how to back down from an argument.

"Do you know how much I'm going through right now? My hand is _gone_. I don't have a family to go home to. The end of my last relationship was completely my fault and my best friend won't even give me five minutes to explain where I'm coming from." He pauses. "Will you at least stop running away from me? It hurts, Emma, when I look at you and you can hardly look me in the eyes."

Emma drops her shoulders. She tightens her folded arms against her chest, as if she'll be able to protect her heart like this.

"I don't want to get hurt again, Killian. What do you want me to say to you?" She reaches for the doorknob to her bedroom and swallows at the lump in her throat. "I don't want to get burned again because I trusted you with my heart."

"I'm not going to hurt you," he says. "It's not what I wanted to do before and it certainly isn't what I want now."

She searches his face and shrugs her shoulders. "Then I guess I need to see that before I'll consider being friends again."

Killian sags his shoulders. "Emma, I-"

"Goodnight, Killian," she manages to whisper as she opens the door to her room.

The weight of the ring bounces against her chest when she turns.

Emma releases a heavy sigh, her eyes falling closed as she pads through her apartment toward her couch- the very couch where he'd given the ring to her.

"What is it?" she remembers asking, turning to him with a smile.

Killian had fished the ring out from around his neck, nervously grinning back at her. "I'm not proposing."

She'd rolled her eyes to fight against the rapid flutter of her heart.

"I just…" Killian had studied the ring. "I want you to have it so you won't forget me."

"How would I forget you?" she'd laughed. "We're going to be together for a long time. I thought that's what we decided."

"It is," Killian had agreed warmly on a lighthearted laugh. "But… if there's ever a day where I'm not with you."

She'd taken it from him and studied it for a long couple of moments.

"If I ever miss your hugs or your laugh," Emma repeats the words she'd spoken years ago with tenderness, this time with tears in her eyes. "Or if we get into a fight and I need to remember why you mean so much to me."

"Exactly." Killian's voice echoes in her mind.

Emma pulls the ring out from where it hides. She traces the curve of the band and fights the burning tears, but exhaustion wins over and she ends up with tears staining the fabric of the throw pillow while she curls in on herself.


	9. Chapter 9

nine

Henry's playing in the other room while Emma sits at her window seat. Her eyes are trained on the water below- more specifically on the ship, _The Jewel of the Realm_ , that's sitting there.

Since her conversation with Killian in the middle of the night, she's been deep in thought about what she's doing. Friendship with Killian had been easy before. They'd sort of just fallen into it, and subsequently into love, and Emma doesn't regret it, but she certainly does wish it wasn't as difficult afterwards.

The problem with leaving the door cracked on their relationship for now is that now she doesn't know how she should act around him. She knows she can't ignore him and she can't hate him for hurting her, but if he's going to attempt to show her why she can trust him, she's going to have to be open to that idea.

"Emma, I need your help with something." Elsa says as she casually walks into Emma's bedroom.

On a soft sigh, Emma turns to Elsa and gives her a small smile, raising her eyebrow skeptically. "Okay?"

Elsa comes to a stop before her and glances out the window with a furrowed brow. "Wait- what are you doing?"

She steps inward and Emma scrambles to get up, "Nothing. There's nothing going on-"

"You were watching him!" Elsa gasps. Emma starts waving her arms around frantically. "Emma!" Emma claps her hand over Elsa's mouth in an attempt to get her to shut up, but she steps away with wide eyes and keeps persisting, "Did you make up? Are you friends again?"

Emma gives Elsa a hard look as she goes to grab a pair of shoes from her closet. "I said it's nothing."

Elsa hums skeptically. "Okay, Em. You keep telling yourself that."

Emma steps into her shoes and settles her hands on her hips. "What do you need my help with?"

The queen folds her hands together and Emma can tell she's not done with the topic of Killian Jones, but she'll move forward for the sake of maintaining their friendship.

"Well, I was just doing some work for a charity ball Anna and I are hosting next month, and I was wondering if you could help me write my dinner toast."

Emma tilts her head to the side, narrowing her eyes. "Why do you want my help?"

"Because you used to be so good at this sort of a thing," Elsa says, shaking her head. "And Anna won't be here until next week so it isn't as if I have someone to bounce my ideas off of. Plus, if you help me with this toast, I'll help you with choosing an outfit for tonight's party."

"Why do I even have to go?" Emma asks on a groan.

Elsa gives her a look. "It's for Alexandra's parents." She pauses, narrowing her eyes slightly. "Your future sister-in-law." Emma just groans and Elsa narrows her eyes further. "Your future _family_. Come on, Emma, it isn't going to be that bad."

She groans again. "Killian's going to be there."

"Well, I should hope so," Elsa sighs exasperatedly. She presses a hand over her eyes and nods her head. "Will you help me, Emma?"

Emma nods. "Okay. Fine."

She heads toward the living area of her bedroom and Henry immediately stands up from where he's sitting on the floor so he can say, "Mama, can we go see the horses?"

Mentally, she curses herself for showing her son the cowboy fanatic the horses so soon. When they go back home, she'll never hear the end of it. He'll probably want to ride horses every minute of every day and it isn't as if the world is a horse's playground.

"Not right now, Henry. Maybe later tonight." She plops down on the sofa and turns toward Elsa, who enters the room with her phone pulled out as she reads something. "Okay. Time to write a toast."

/

Killian makes his way into town with music playing in through his earbuds. His mind is anywhere but here, in the town just south of the castle, his feet practically being guided by autopilot.

"Then I guess I need to see that before I'll consider being friends again." Emma's words echo around his mind again and again, taunting him as he struggles to know how to be better for her.

It's why they didn't work before and it's why they don't work now- he isn't a good man, or at least good enough to court the Princess of Misthaven. She's _everything_ while he is a messy excuse of a man.

He supposes he's trying his hardest to change. He's started caring about what he eats. He's started going on daily runs. He has a job.

Killian opens his eyes to the world around him for the first time during his run and discovers there are people taking photographs of him.

From a fair distance, citizens have their phones out and they wave at him as he slows to a stop before Robin's bar.

He pulls one of the earbuds from his ear and shakes his head slowly at one of the women filming him with her phone. She looks desperate to speak to him, her gaze pleading as she gestures with her free hand. She's the bravest of the people taking photos of him, daring to come within six feet of him with words on the tip of her tongue.

She's pretty, her hair dark with a red streak through it. Her lipstick pops and she's dressed in a manner that indicates professionalism with a hint of wildness.

"Evening, love," he says on a teasing laugh. "How might I help you?"

The woman grins wolfishly. "I'm Ruby Lucas of Misthaven Entertainment News. Do you have a minute to chat about Prince Leopold's wedding?"

Killian glances toward Robin's bar and shrugs. "I was about to visit a friend, but sure. I suppose I could spare a minute."

In half a minute, Ruby has him sitting with her at a table outside of a tiny cafe called Granny's. She has a little pad of paper, pencil, and her phone is set on the table as she records their conversation like a professional journalist might.

Killian takes a sip of water from the water bottle he has with him and raises his eyebrows at the brunette. "So you'd like to chat about Leo's wedding, Ms. Lucas?"

"Ruby, please," she insists, grinning. She pauses, studying him, and nods her head. "So, why don't we start here: it's been about five years since you were last here in Misthaven."

"Aye."

"Any reason for your sudden return or are you just here to celebrate Prince Leo's engagement and upcoming wedding?"

Killian glances down at the table, smiling as he shakes his head. "It's certainly part of the reason I've returned, Ms. Lucas. For the most part, it's just been nice to get away from the city where I've been living."

Ruby hums. "So it's not about your connection to the royal family. It's about the life you lost here."

"I wouldn't say that," Killian argues gently. "The king and queen… they've always sort of taken me under their wing. And of course I'm close with the princes and… with Emma."

Ruby's eyes light up and he immediately regrets bringing Emma into this.

He nervously sucks on his lower lip while the gossip magazine writer pokes and prods, "Princess Emma has been gone for quite some time as well. Have you two kept in touch while you've been away?"

Killian hesitates. "Erm… not as much as I'd have liked."

Ruby hums. "That little boy of hers is adorable."

"Aye," Killian grins. "Henry certainly is a sweet lad. Reminds me quite a deal of his mum."

Ruby seems to be hesitant on how to ask her next question. She tilts her head to the side. "So you've spent time with him, huh?"

"Of course," Killian replies. He narrows his eyes at Ruby. "I'm not his father, if that's what you're trying to get at. After we ended things, Emma and I didn't see each other until just the other day."

Something flashes in Ruby's eyes. "Ah, okay." She smiles. "Would you care to address the rumors that she broke up with you because of your family history?"

Killian gives Ruby a dark look. "Ms. Lucas, this isn't what I agreed to discuss with you. I'm certainly not going to talk about my relationship history with the princess of the kingdom you claim to write for." He knits his brow angrily. "And it wasn't... Emma didn't break things off with me. It was a mutual decision."

Killian makes to leave, but Ruby stops him, settling her hand on his arm. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just… I have a job and my boss was on me to try and get the scoop on your relationship. I won't print any of it if I don't have your permission."

He clenches his jaw and shakes his head. "You don't have my permission for any of this. I'm sorry I agreed to sit to begin with."

Ruby frowns and he stands to his feet.

It's almost six o'clock and he's expected back at the castle for the party tonight, but he'd come to town with intentions on stopping in to see his friends and that's what he'll do.

When Killian turns to go into Robin's bar, he finds people staring at him, as if they know exactly who he is, and he grimaces slightly before going about his business.

It's awful that simply by association, he's something of a celebrity to these people, but Killian has known this to be true for his whole life, so it isn't a surprise to him now.

Feeling on the edge and antsy, as if any number of people are staring at him, Killian keeps looking around as he enters the bar.

"Jones!" Robin calls, a grin on his face. "Hey, mate!"

Killian goes to the bar and lifts his eyebrows as he releases a heavy sigh. "Hey, Robin."

Robin furrows his brow and frowns. "What's wrong? You look like you're on the run."

"It's nothing," Killian insists. He looks around to make sure no one's eyes are on him. Thankfully, there are only a few customers. "Just got stopped by a gossip columnist and… I dunno. It's uncomfortable at best knowing people care about the details of my life."

Robin sighs heavily. "Well, you're safe here, mate." He gives him a smile. "Can I get you a drink? Perhaps lend you a listening ear?"

Killian shakes his head. "No, I've got to return to the castle soon for a party." He taps his fingers against the bar top. "But I've got a question for you, mate."

"I'm all ears."

Killian sucks in a deep breath. "Last night I managed to talk to Emma for the first time in a while. Properly. About our relationship."

Robin lifts his eyebrows. "Alright."

"She's willing to be friends again if I can prove I'm not trying to hurt her. I don't- bloody hell, was I truly that horrible to her?"

Robin shrugs. "Well, from what you've told me, I think you could have handled a lot of things better."

Killian groans. He puts his head in his palm and sighs. "I was in shock. Liam had been my world for the longest time-"

"I know." Robin replies gently.

Killian's fingers dig slightly into his skin and he growls under his breath. "I was a proper idiot, Robin. A complete idiot. We'd just broken up and the next thing I knew, Liam was gone. I didn't want to go back to her, not like that. I was a mess."

Robin nods. "I know."

Killian stares back at his friend and pulls his lip between his teeth. "And I needed time. And space. And before I knew it, I'd been gone for a long time and she hadn't tried to contact me, so I figured we were done and over with."

He pauses, becoming as frustrated as he was all those years ago. "Did you know that when I called Leopold at the castle to see about contacting Emma, he told me she was happily courting some duke of something?"

Killian shakes his head, laughing a little out of hysteria. "I thought it would be pointless, trying to go back to see her. To see if I couldn't make things right. And I loved her. I think I loved her until I met Milah and then I realized I could move on. That I _should_ move on. But I guess moving on isn't possible for me because every time I feel happy with my life, everything is ripped from right out under me."

He stares down at the bar top and traces his fingers along the grain of the wood.

If he's selfish for wanting to find a happy ending in the mess that is his life, he doesn't think he wants to change that part of him. But, according to Emma, he needs to change in order for their friendship to find its roots again.

"I think your persistence to be her friend will be what saves you, Killian," Robin says lowly. "I just think you've got to put on your best face but be truthful with her. You're not perfect and neither is she."

Killian nods slowly. "Aye. I suppose that's true."

"You can't get down on yourself about it, Killian," Robin adds. "What happened in the past is behind you. Move forward. Find happiness." Robin smiles softly and searches Killian's face. "I'm rooting for you, Killian."

Killian arches an eyebrow. "Rooting for me and Emma?"

"No," Robin scoffs. "I'm rooting for Killian Jones to get his life in order." Robin shakes his head. "You and I go back a long ways. I know you. Don't forget that."

Killian sucks in a breath and nods. "Aye." He can't keep a smile from his lips. He feels a little bit better knowing that he has Robin behind him. "We should have supper sometime soon. I'd like to meet your boy."

"And my boy would love to meet you," Robin chuckles. "I've told him all about his Uncle Killian. He cannot wait."

Killian grins. "Neither can I."

/

As Emma stares at herself in the mirror of her bathroom, she sighs.

It's a casual party, but she knows her mother well enough to know that if she doesn't come wearing something a little nice, she'll get a _look_.

Henry's giggling from the other room. Alistair is here to bring them to the party. He's dressed rather casually himself, with a dress shirt and vest over his dress pants.

Henry doesn't have very much to dress up with, but she expects the grandchild of the queen and king can get special treatment, especially at three years old.

"Em!" Alistair calls.

"Ali!" Emma mimics. She adjusts her hair over her shoulder once more and takes a deep breath.

"We are going to be so late. Mom's going to serve us for dinner."

Emma rolls her eyes. She steps out of her bathroom and grabs her phone from her bed where she'd left it before entering the living area. She's glad to find her brother holding her son on his hip.

Henry seems to have taken more of a liking to Alistair rather than Leopold, which is an endlessly humorous thing to Emma. She chuckles when she meets Alistair's gaze.

"Okay," Emma says. "Let's get going."

Alistair lifts his eyebrows and hums. He tries to put Henry down, but Henry wraps himself closer, making Emma laugh again.

"Uh oh, Uncle Ali, did you make a friend?"

Alistair blushes and shrugs his shoulders as they start walking toward her bedroom door. "I guess so."

Emma grins at her younger brother. She holds open the door for him to walk through and immediately hears the music from the party wafting through the castle as well as the smell of tonight's meal.

It's been a long time since she's been at a party, much less one thrown here at the castle.

Her mother is quite good at this sort of thing. While she also was once one of the most badass women in the world, after becoming a mother, she settled down and devoted a lot of time to charity work and with that came parties and learning the art of hosting.

As Emma, Alistair, and Henry enter the main hall, music hums gently in her ears while the chatter of the guests becomes more prominent.

Emma's attention goes to the mirroring set of stairs. She steps down the stairs and her fingers trail along the handrail delicately.

Into the main entry way steps Killian Jones, dressed similarly to Alistair, with dark pants and a vest over his dress shirt. His sleeves are rolled up and he keeps his blunted hand to himself, hidden behind his back as he steps down the stairs with a gentle pace.

He glances her way and Emma's heart stops. A smile lifts the corner of his lips and he gazes over at her as if she's never been more beautiful.

It's almost enough to bring her back to those endless parties or dances held in this very room beneath this very chandelier- where he'd hold her close and sway with her for hours on end.

Emma feels her cheeks heating up as the seconds grow prolonged and she clears her throat as she shifts her attention forward.

Well, if this party is going to be anything it definitely should be interesting.


	10. Chapter 10

ten

Killian is certain she is the most beautiful woman in the room.

Even though she's clearly not quite dressed up, it's apparent she tried to look the part. Her hair is let down loose, curled and free, and she has a permanent smile on her lips- a real, sweet thing- as soon as she enters the party.

He thinks most of it has to do with making sure her parents are satisfied, but he can't help but dream of a time where she looked like this everyday.

He's hit with a wave of grief as he hesitates to enter the party. Those days are long behind them and there isn't any use trying to relive them.

Killian scans the room, finally breaking the connection with Emma, and discovers, to no surprise, he doesn't know many of the guests.

Truly, all he has in this room are the royal family, and he knows Emma doesn't exactly want to spend an evening making small talk with him. Why did he ever come to this party to begin with? He could have stayed with Robin in town. He could have made some good memories rather than been hit with yet another awful one.

In a moment of panic, Killian takes a step back, toward the stairs. He hears nothing but the pulsing of his own heart in his ears and his vision suddenly becomes a blur.

"Killian," Leopold's voice interrupts him before he can step back again.

Killian blinks himself to and stands upright, straightening his back as he forces himself to smile.

"Hey, Leo," his voice sounds weak to his own ears, so Killian clears his throat and straightens some more. "Some party you've got."

The prince rolls his eyes. "Yeah, well, thank Mom for that one." He glances over his shoulder. "Come on. I don't think I've properly introduced you to Alexandra yet and I want her to meet you."

As Killian wades deeper into the party, he begins to remember faces and names.

It's funny, he thinks, how he can spend years away from this place and it's politics, but he can still remember the look one of the members of the court gave him when he and Emma were caught in a rather intimate embrace in the library. Or the snide remarks another made when he started going with Emma on trips out of the country.

"Alex," Leo says to the pretty blonde standing with a couple Killian thinks he recognizes. "I haven't gotten to introduce you to Killian yet. He's a family friend."

Duchess Alexandra smiles warmly at him and her eyebrows lift high on her forehead. "Hi! I'm Alexandra. It's so nice to meet you. I've heard so many stories."

She giggles and Killian nods his head, laughing as well. "Ah, well, I hope they were good stories. I'm afraid my reputation is rather mixed around here."

Alexandra laughs and Leo gives him a look as his fiancee settles her hand on his arm.

"No, they were good stories. Of course." She looks up at the prince on her side as she continues, "At first when Leo would tell me about you, I thought you were part of the family and I was quite confused."

Killian feels his face heating up. He reaches up to scratch behind his head and shakes his head. "No, I'm just… very close to everyone, I suppose. Or… I was." 

Leo makes a face at that, but before he can say anything, a cry interrupts him, "Killy!"

Killian lifts his eyebrows at the duchess and spins on his heel to find Henry squirming out of Alistair's grasp and successfully making a break for it as soon as he's on the ground.

He squats down in time to meet Henry's approach and chuckles at the little boy, who breathlessly grins at him.

"Hello, Henry," Killian laughs. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

Henry nods. "Yeah. Mama took me on the horses."

"Did you like riding horses?"

Henry bobs his head animatedly. "It was like 'giddyup!'"

Killian chuckles. "Aye."

Emma approaches then and he meets her eyes, this time holding her gaze without near as much tension. She actually seems at ease tonight.

"Henry, what are you doing?" Emma asks.

Henry looks up at his mother and giggles before he takes off running again. Emma sighs and watches her son go as Killian rises to his feet.

For a few moments, he stares at her without her attention on him. She turns her gaze to him and settles her hands gently over her arms as they press against her chest.

"He's nothing but trouble now that he has free reign of a castle," Emma says lightly.

Killian hums. "And how are you enjoying the party, Your Highness?"

Emma rolls her eyes and glances over her shoulder when Henry giggles happily. A small smile twitches at the corner of her lips and she returns her green eyes to him.

"It's fine," she says.

"Fine," he repeats, lifting his eyebrows. He takes advantage of the intimacy she's allowed him by agreeing to talk and leans in a little closer. "Shall we make it a little more interesting, then?"

Emma narrows her eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

Killian grins. "Party Bingo?"

For a second, Emma keeps a straight face, but slowly a smile spreads. She laughs once. "I don't really remember how to play."

Killian shrugs. "Come now, love, it isn't much to remember. We make up the spaces as they come about."

Emma gives him a look, her eyes narrowed skeptically. "God, were we really _that_ annoying? No wonder my mother thought-"

His heart skips a beat at the way she's staring at him, holding his gaze before her eyes fall to his lips and then down and away from him. She starts to walk away from him, but Killian feels as if this is his one opportunity to prove himself, so he hurries to catch up with her.

"The spots… perhaps we should set up a board." Killian concedes.

Emma turns to him and sighs softly. "Okay… and how do we remember-?"

He pulls his phone from his pocket and holds it out to her. Emma stares at the object for a few moments and Killian gives her a look before she finally plucks it away from him.

"No passcode," he assures her. "Just open up the notepad if you would."

Killian clears his throat and glances around the room. "Alright… how shall we do this then?"

"My mom," Emma says as she types something out. "She's going to probably have at least two good ones in her."

Killian cracks a grin and laughs under his breath. "Aye, I suppose she would."

Emma seems to be getting into the swing of things as they start rattling off wild topics for their individual boards. By the end of it, she actually starts to laugh with him as their brainstorming becomes quite involved and silly.

"Okay," Emma says, eyes twinkling with mischief. "So I'll send mine to myself and we'll get started. Winner-"

"Gets to decide his or her prize," Killian finishes for her. "No need change the rules now, love."

Emma arches an eyebrow and he can see her contemplating the rules of their game. She nods her head and shuts his phone off before sliding it back out for him to take. "Okay. I'm in."

Killian grins and reaches out to take the phone from her hand. He tips his head at her once their fingers fall away and licks his lips.

"Best of luck to you, Em," he says lowly.

"And to you." Emma smirks in response.

Then, she turns around and he can see exactly where she's headed- to her mother.

Killian shakes his head slowly and presses his tongue against the cave of his cheek. He spots her father standing with Alistair and Henry and nods his head.

/

Emma truly doesn't know _why_ she agreed to play Party Bingo with Killian Jones.

It feels an awful lot like who they used to be instead of who they are now, but, Emma supposes, playing Party Bingo is at least sort of fun and won't require her to be too serious about meeting Alexandra's parents.

In an attempt to win, Emma goes straight to the one person in the room that will earn her at least two spots in Party Bingo- her mother.

It being that Emma isn't exactly in the best place with her parents right now, she's hesitant. They still haven't had the talk that they need to and it isn't like they're completely on the same page regarding the future of the kingdom.

But she needs to win, because allowing Killian to have the victory will allow him a prize of his choice and she's not sure what that will entail entirely. Just that it'll probably require something of her.

 _The queen tells a story about when she was younger._

 _The queen excuses herself from a conversation in search of the king._

Slowly, Emma approaches her mother. "Hey, Mom."

Her mother's eyes widen and she smiles kindly. "Emma! Hi."

Emma glances at the women at her mother's side and they each politely smile and curtsy before they walk away. She can tell that they're judging her, because they each have _that_ look in their eyes.

"I'm so glad you came," her mother says honestly.

"Where else would I be?" Emma quips.

Mary Margaret looks past her at the people gathered for the party and sighs. "I know you'd rather stay out of the public eye. I'm sure Leopold appreciates you being here."

Emma smiles and nods. "Yeah. I know." She nibbles on her lip and bounces on her toes. "So, I've been thinking and… maybe I want to start doing things now that I'm here? I mean, Leo's getting married in two weeks but I don't really want to sit around doing nothing."

Mary Margaret grins and Emma thinks she might start crying. "Really? What sorts of things, Emma?"

"I don't know," Emma admits. "What could I do?"

Her mother considers her carefully before she says, "When I was your age I found something that I cared about and I started my foundation."

 _Check_.

"Hmmm," Her mother hesitates. "But you'll only be here for a few weeks." Sadness hides in her gaze and Emma feels a stir in her belly but ignores it. "Maybe you can help prepare for the wedding. There's a lot that needs to be done."

Emma shrugs. "Okay."

Mary Margaret looks over Emma's shoulder and bites on her lip. "You've met Ashley and Thomas before, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Emma nods. "It's been a while, but yeah."

Her mother hums and smiles. "Well, tomorrow Alexandra and Ashley and I are going to sit down with the wedding planner and we're going to discuss the reception banquet, if you'd like to come and help us make some decisions."

As much as she would absolutely hate that, Emma sucks in a deep breath and nods. "Yeah. That sounds good."

Her mother grins. "Well, I'm so glad."

She hesitates for a second before she steps forward and wraps her arms around her. Emma responds in kind after a moment and allows herself to smile as she buries her face in her mother's neck. She smells like vanilla and home and it reminds her of when she was a little girl and things were a whole lot simpler.

Her heart aches when they pull apart and her mother clears her throat. "I should go find your father. We need to formally introduce Alexandra's parents."

 _And check._

/

Killian pulls his phone from his pocket and taps into the camera, setting it to forward facing mode before pulling it up in front of himself and the king. He grins wildly and David makes a confused face before saying, "What are you doing?"

Killian claps the man on the back after he slips his phone into his pocket. "Thanks for the chat, mate."

When he turns, he meets Emma's eyes from across the room. His eyebrows dance as he practically floats toward her and when he reaches her, standing at the table of refreshments, he raps his knuckles against it.

"I got a selfie with the king and I managed to get Alistair to go look for a book in the library for me." Killian informs her.

Emma raises an eyebrow. "Oh? Well, my mother checked off both of her spaces _and_ I'm working on number three."

He narrows his eyes at her and she just smirks before she holds three fingers up and counts down before pointing across the room.

Leo suddenly jumps where he's standing and glares over his shoulder at Alistair, who has an innocent look on his face as he examines a book in his hands.

"Ali what the hell, man?" Leo demands, storming up to his brother.

Emma grins at Killian and grabs a cup from the table to hide her smile behind. "They just need to take this outside and I'll have Party Bingo in the bag."

Killian hums. "Well, Your Highness, I hate to burst that bubble, but…" He holds up his hand and gestures to where her parents stand, Henry on David's hip. "I do believe I've won the game."

"What- no!" Emma shakes her head. "What space was that for?"

Killian chuckles. "The princess gets defensive." Emma smacks his chest and it makes him laugh again. "Plus a free space, so I win, and my prize shall be…" He considers it for a second, staring at Emma the whole time. "Come with me out into the garden for a walk. I know you want out of this party just as much as I do."

Emma searches his eyes and then looks away from him when her mother suddenly says her name.

Killian's heart sinks when she takes a step away from him and he tries to not be dismayed when Emma walks away from him without any further discussion, but he fails.

He goes to the door and steps out of the party, instead heading toward the open porch doors to go into the garden alone.

/

Emma stands listening to her mother as she goes on about everything she's missed in the time she's been away. It's not her definition of a fun party, but this is what she's used to.

She eventually gets Henry back in her arms and he falls asleep as Emma meets with Ashley, Thomas, and Alexandra.

"I should go put him to bed," Emma says as a means of excusing herself. She slips out without causing a scene, and her parents are eager to get her to agree to breakfast in the morning.

She walks the hallway toward the stairs and finds herself going to the porch door that leads out into the garden.

Henry sighs in his sleep and Emma holds him closer, leaving a kiss to the top of his head as she walks toward her favorite part of the garden- a row of flowers she'd planted herself a few years ago.

When she sees Killian wandering toward her, she isn't surprised. His gaze is trained on the stars above.

"Killian," Emma says his name quietly. It's loud enough to draw his attention, big eyes and soft smile.

"Emma," he breathes. "Hey." He glances up at the stars. "I was just… looking for Neverland."

She tilts her head to look up and her heart inexplicably starts to race. "Did you find it?"

Emma looks back down at him and finds that he's staring straight at her. "Ah… aye, yeah, I did."

Emma forces a smile and shifts her son on her hip. She looks away uncomfortably and then looks straight up into the sky again.

"I just wanted to…" Emma pauses. She looks Killian in the eyes again. She feels like her whole body is alight with flame and she wants to run, but she knows she's well past that now. He doesn't deserve that. "I wanted to say goodnight. And thank you. For Party Bingo. I haven't had that much fun in a while, so… thanks."

Killian smiles in that way he used to- the sort of nervous twitch of his lips. "Ah… yeah. No problem, Your Highness. I'm glad you had fun."

Emma hesitates for a few moments longer and then nods at him. "Night."

"Goodnight, Emma."

She turns on her heel to go, but something in her gut makes her turn right back around. She manages to smile at him, her cheeks feeling just a little warm.

"Do you want to go camping sometime? With me and Henry and Elsa, probably? Like… on Saturday night?"

Killian seems surprised by her question. He opens his mouth and shrugs his shoulders. "Um… I've just started a job, I-"

"Yeah," Emma says abruptly. She cringes. "Okay. Sorry I asked. I'll go."

When she turns around this time, it's for good. She can't even manage looking back if she wanted to, and it's probably for the best, because as soon as she steps back inside the castle, her mother comes up to her with a tiny smile.

"Hi, Emma," she says warmly. She glances at Henry's sleeping face. "His uncles really tired him out, didn't they?"

Emma laughs. "Yeah."

Her mother stares at her for a few moments.

"Do you think… could we have hot chocolate tomorrow morning? Just the two of us? I have something I need to talk with you about."

Emma opens her mouth, ready to groan, but her mother stops her with a raised hand.

"What is it?"

"I promise everything's okay," her mother promises. She reaches up to brush back Henry's hair. "It's just time."

Emma hesitantly nods. "Yeah. Okay. Is this before or after the wedding planning?"

"Before," her mother rolls her eyes. "I know wedding planning isn't your thing, Emma. But it'll be good for our relationship. And the public wants to see how things are going."

Translation: there are going to be cameras. Time to dress up.

"Mom-"

"I know you don't like being in the public eye. Neither do I. But it's the nature of who we are, Emma. At least we have some control over it."

"Yeah," Emma sighs. She hesitates. "It's just that before I left- after everything- everything with the media was insane and I know what they're going to want to talk to me about."

"Well, you don't have to talk if you don't want to," her mother says before nodding her head. "I'm sure you'd like to get going to bed. Goodnight, Emma."

Emma leans her cheek against Henry's head and sighs. "Night."


	11. Chapter 11

**an: sorry it's been so long! I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. :)**

* * *

eleven

"It's been awhile since I've been in your study," Emma says.

She steps into the room behind her mother, who walks with grace and poise even when she turns, a smile on her face.

"It has!" the queen gasps. "Well, not much has changed. Let's sit by the balcony. It's refreshingly warm this morning."

Emma settles herself down in one of the plush chairs of her mother's study and she stares out the balcony doorway, at the color of the sky and mountains in the morning glow.

"It's so beautiful here," her mother comments.

This morning, her mother has her hair down and she hasn't applied her makeup or adorned herself in stylish jewelry.

She looks more like her mother now, Emma realizes as she stares back at the woman. She's wearing her robe and she has yet to change out of her nightgown beneath it. Her feet are covered by monkey socks that the boys had given to her years ago on her birthday.

Somehow, without all of the elegant trimmings, her mother still maintains a happy glow- a homey presence. Emma has to smile because of the feeling of warmth that fills her chest.

"Yeah," Emma agrees on a sigh. She looks down at the mug of hot cocoa in her lap and bites on her lip.

"What's wrong?" Her mother asks, clearly worried.

"Nothing." Emma manages to smile. "I just have a lot on my mind."

For a few moments, they stare at one another. Emma hesitates with the words bouncing around her mind and she shakes her head.

"I want you and dad to have more access to Henry," Emma says in a rush. "I want you to help babysit him when I have to be out and I want you to learn what his favorite words are and what he likes and what he hates. I want you to give him way too many presents and celebrate literally everything and-"

Emma pauses. Her mother stares back at her with widened eyes.

"And I want you to be the kind of grandparents he grows up with. I don't want him to feel like his only family is me."

Her mother's shock fades and she smiles, a wobbly thing, as she nods. "We would love that."

Emma smiles in turn. She releases a sigh of relief, as if she had been worried that her mother wouldn't want to spend more time with Henry, or subsequently with her. "Good."

Her mother hesitates and Emma can tell her tentative question comes from a place of honesty. "So does that mean you want to move back?"

Her heart skips a beat and she becomes cautious, almost to a fault. Her jaw falls open and she shakes her head.

"I… I don't know. I just know that I don't want Henry growing up like he has so far." Emma pauses. "I'm thinking about taking more classes. Maybe getting my masters. But I don't know what's the right thing to do."

Because nothing feels right.

Thinking about how insecure she feels about her future and who she is as an individual makes Emma go silent. A lump forms in her throat and she studies her mug in her lap.

"When I was your age, I went through the same thing you are. Not knowing who I was apart from being the princess and only heir to the throne. I felt hopeless and helpless and I hated it." Her mother bites her lip. "I ran away."

Emma's eyes widen.

Her mother nods in the affirmative. "Yes, that's right, me, the girl who has always had her life planned out from the start. I ran away. I went in the middle of the night after getting into a big argument with my stepmother and I rode out into the mountains someplace to think."

"It wasn't too long after my father had passed," her mother says quietly. "I missed him. It felt like I didn't belong in the castle anymore." She shakes her head. "I don't know. It just didn't feel like I belonged. Regina didn't come looking for me. In fact, when I came back, she had no idea that I had been gone."

In this moment, Emma sees vulnerability in her mother. She nervously bites on her lip as she considers the rest of her words and she glances outside at the mountains.

"When I came back, I was dead set on leaving for good." Her mother laughs. "I was going to go as far as I could and then I was going to work at a diner someplace- to feel the struggle of the lesser fortunate- but when I left that night with only a bag around my shoulder, I ran straight into your father instead."

Emma smiles softly. She knows this story, knows how they'd at first argued like cats and dogs, knows that it took a few months of chasing each other around before they finally succumbed to their feelings, but she didn't know that her mother had been on the run.

"There was something about running into him that made me change my mind. I wanted to prove to him that I was more than he thought I was. But, more than that, I wanted to prove to myself that I was brave enough and strong enough to step into my father's place."

Emma takes a deep breath and stares down at her lap.

"Is that why we're meeting?" she asks. "Because you want me to just fall back into my place here?"

"Emma, you belong here," her mother says gently. "It's your home."

Emma looks up at her mother and finds that she can't speak.

"I know the idea of taking the throne one day is daunting," the queen concedes. "But, I know that you're more than ready for it. If you want to do it."

For a few moments, Emma just stares at the queen. She holds her breath and clenches her jaw.

"Mom, I…" Emma hesitates.

Her mother is quick, smiling as she reaches a hand out to touch Emma's arm. "Do you know that woman you helped? She has a job now. A well paying one. Just because you took a moment to be kind to her and extend a helping hand." Her mother squeezes her arm. "I think you're ready. You just need to be willing. And I'm not going to force you to do anything, but..."

Emma watches as her mother withdraws her hand. She sits up and forward in her chair. "Your father and I have decided that we need to step down from our positions. We realized we haven't had any time for our marriage and now that things are changing around here, we think now is a good time."

Somehow, she'd known this was coming.

Emma takes a deep breath. "Now? With the wedding-"

"No, not quite now. We'll wait until the wedding madness dies down and then make an announcement." Her mother smiles hopefully.

"And you want me to…" Emma sighs. "Right."

Emma gnaws on her lip and settles her hot chocolate down on a table as she stands up. She paces toward the balcony and stares out at the town below, thinking of all of the people she's seen in the streets and in shops, who she's met and who she's run into.

"There's nothing that says you have to," her mother reminds her. "But the people love you and-"

Emma folds her arms to her chest and she squeezes her forearm. "I left because I didn't know who I was and I was scared and pregnant-" She shakes her head. "I still have no idea where I really belong."

Her mother frowns. She stands up and joins her at the balcony door. Her fingers settle on the stone wall and she's quiet for a few moments.

"Do you think it has to do with what happened between you and Killian?" her mother finally asks. "You once told me you thought you would spend the rest of your life living here with him at your side and you'd be happy."

Emma feels tears burning behind her eyes and she drops her gaze to her toes. "I didn't think we'd ever be here together again."

"It's a good thing," Mary Margaret says warmly. She settles a hand on Emma's back and rubs a circle.

Emma laughs to herself and shakes her head. "Not really."

"Why?"

"Because…" Emma stops. She scans the world outside of the castle. "He set unrealistic expectations when we were younger and then did a complete one eighty and now he wants to be friends again and I…" She bites on her tongue. "I want to. More than anything. But if we're friends like we were back then, I'm going to fall for him and I can't do that with Henry in the mix."

Her mother's soothing circles continue for a moment before she pulls her hand away. "That's reasonable."

Emma laughs. "Last night at the party we played Party Bingo."

Her mother chuckles and her eyes widen. " _Really_?"

Emma nods. "Yeah. He won and wanted to go for a walk, but I didn't think I could handle that. So when I left I went to go apologize and I ended up asking if he wanted to go camping…" Emma grimaces. "He didn't want to and I feel stupid for even asking. He's going through so much right now- a breakup and his hand and- maybe this is why he left us when Liam died. Maybe he didn't want me trying to smother him."

"You're not smothering him," her mother says, practically rolling her eyes. "I'm sure he's just as confused. I mean, you did refuse to go for a walk with him and then went after him anyway."

Emma's heart races and she feels sick to her stomach as she stares at her mother.

The queen wraps her robe closer and crosses her arms. "I think you need to stop acting like you're teenagers and be honest about what you want."

"I don't know what I want," Emma responds.

Her mom bumps shoulders with her playfully. "I think you'll be happier if you were friends again."

Emma cracks a smile- she can't help it- and rolls her eyes as she forces a serious look on her face. "Fine. I'll… go see him this afternoon."

"That's my girl."

/

Killian takes his lunch breaks sitting on the edge of the dock with his feet hanging over the water.

He has half a sandwich prepared by one of the chefs in the kitchen of the castle. They'd offered him more, but he still doesn't quite understand their kindness towards him and won't take it for granted. He's not particularly hungry anyway.

He listens to music through his headphones and tries to settle the war going on in his heart and mind. He wants to talk to someone about what's going on in his life, but he doesn't have an outlet.

"Don't be so consumed, Killian," his internal Liam scolds him. "You've got a job. You've got a place to lie your head at night. That's enough for now."

Killian stares at the ducks in the water and tosses them pieces off his sandwich as he kicks his legs out.

In an instant, he's interrupted when someone drops down beside him, their legs falling in line with his. He looks up, completely shocked to find Emma staring out at the water, her hands brushing dirt from the dock onto her jeans.

Killian yanks the earbuds from his ears and wraps the cord around his phone. He settles it between his legs and turns to look at the princess.

She's staring out at the water, not at him, and her chest rises and falls quickly at first, as if her coming to him happened all at once.

"What were you listening to?" she wonders, finally daring to look at him.

Killian holds open his mouth and looks down between his legs at the device. "Erm… just some music."

Emma smiles. "Yeah?" She squints when the sun gets in her eyes. "Who?"

Killian shrugs. "Who do you think?"

Emma laughs. "Your obsession with them is going to always confuse me."

He chuckles and his heart starts racing a little faster with her at his side. He looks down at the water, where the ducks are quacking, and thinks back on their last conversation.

"I'd go camping with you," he says. "You know I would. I just don't have much time off. There's this… Water Festival coming up apparently?" He scrunches up his face and Emma seems just as confused. "I don't know when they started it but it's apparently a tradition now."

Emma hums curiously. "Interesting."

"Aye," Killian tilts his head to the side. "I'm supposed to take the ship out with passengers and we're going to have a party. I've gone from scrubbing the decks to waiting on guests. I think that's an upgrade, isn't it?"

Emma laughs. "Yeah. I think it is."

She stares at him with a smile on her lips and he can't help but mirror her. She drops her gaze after a moment and they both turn forward facing.

As good as it is to have her at his side, not ready to run, this is in some ways more painful than it's ever been between them.

"I don't know how to talk to you," Emma confesses after they sit there in silence. "I think I forgot."

Killian sighs. "No, I think there's just been a lot we need to catch up on."

He turns to look at her and Emma's eyes fall to her lap. She seems nervous.

"Yeah," Emma breathes out. She turns to him and nods her head. "Well, I graduated from college. A few months ago, actually. I started blogging." She nibbles on her lip. "I wanted to open my own business, but… being princess of a small country doesn't exactly make that easy."

Killian furrows his brow. "What kind of business?"

Emma shakes her head. "It wasn't a business exactly. It was more like a nonprofit to benefit single mothers."

His heart swells at the idea and he turns more toward Emma, but she just sighs heavily and puts her face in her hands. "I have a whole business plan and everything-"

"That's bloody brilliant, Emma," Killian tells her.

She turns to him with a disbelieving knit to her brow. "Yeah?"

"Aye," Killian laughs. "What's holding you back?"

Emma stares down at the water. "Well… I'm not sure where I want to start. And at the back of my mind, I've wanted to come back here, but… I don't know. My mom talked to me this morning and it sounds like she wants me to stay and take the throne, so I have to focus on that. Not what I want to do."

Killian gives Emma a look. "Emma, you've got to be kidding me. You're the most headstrong person I've ever met. If you want to do something, you do it." He holds her gaze and for a heartbeat, he remembers the day she'd told him bluntly that she liked him and she wanted to go on a date. "Regardless of what you think your parents want you to do, I think you should still pursue this."

"It's a lot of work." Emma laments.

"Says the college graduate who happens to have been raising a toddler at the time all by herself."

The princess gives him a look and he laughs. "Emma, I'll always support you. I don't know what you want me to tell you."

She searches his face. "How are you?"

He swallows thickly and turns his gaze away from her. Instead, he stares at his lap, and sucks in a heavy breath.

"I'm surviving."

"Don't do that," Emma groans.

"Don't do what?"

Emma lifts an eyebrow. " _That_. You always do that. You could be dying and you'd still brush it under the rug as if it was nothing."

Killian laughs under his breath. He looks ahead of him.

"Okay, well… I'm not sure how I'm coping with my hand. I've been going to therapy. Doc is awfully optimistic about my future." He tilts his head to the side and thinks of the life he'd left behind. "I'm not angry with her. I'm just… I feel a bit lost. I don't really feel at home here but I can't go back."

"I know how that feels," Emma sighs.

He knows she's talking about him and it hurts, so he doesn't look at her. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Emma, I'm sorry-"

"No, stop apologizing," she cuts him off when his eyes meet hers. " _I'm_ sorry."

Killian narrows his eyes at her. "For what?"

Emma takes a breath. "For not trying harder. For forcing you away from me instead of being your friend when you needed me." She shifts closer to him on the dock and seems more vulnerable than he's seen her. "I want to be your friend."

Killian wraps his arm around her and she immediately settles her head against his shoulder, her hair just beneath his nose when he turns his cheek to rest against her.

"Maybe this time we won't screw it up," Emma whispers.

Killian smiles a little and moves away from her.

He's probably going to be late coming back from lunch, but he can't find that he minds when he's spending that time with her. He lifts his phone from between his legs and offers the earbud to her.

"Care to listen?"

Emma rolls her eyes and shoves his shoulder. "I need to make you a new playlist."

She looks out at the water for a second and then back at him. After a few moments, she grabs one of the earbuds and leans in close.

"Fine."


	12. Chapter 12

twelve

Emma smiles when she enters her bedroom. She can hear Elsa, Alistair, and Henry all talking over one another from her bathroom, and as soon as she walks that way, she discovers her son sitting on the counter with his clothes stripped off.

Alistair has a washcloth in his hand and Elsa has a frantic look on her face, as well as a purple handprint on her face.

"Mommy!" Henry chirps when he sees her.

Emma laughs when her brother spins on his heel to face her. Elsa, with her frizzy hair standing on its ends, and eyes wide, holds her hands up. She's covered in paint, it turns out.

"Mommy, you're here," Elsa sighs. "Good. We were painting and things went awry."

"You could say that," Alistair says. He has a few splotches of paint on his face too, and he takes a heavy breath. "Help us out sis?"

Emma steps into the room and stands in front of Henry, who grins up at her with his eyes squinted. "Baby Bug, did you have fun painting?"

"Yes," Henry says before he begins to explain what he painted. She cleans the paint off of him and then settles him on her hip to carry him out into her bedroom to redress him.

By the time he's back in his clothes, he wants to play with his Uncle Alistair, so Emma hands him off to the still-stained prince and the two go running around her room while Emma turns to Elsa.

"So?" Elsa wonders, a wry smile on her lips. "What happened? Why are you all smiles?"

Emma gives Elsa a look. She goes into her closet to find Elsa a new shirt to wear instead of the one with paint on it. Elsa gladly changes into it in an instant, hiding in Emma's closet while Emma tidies up the floor of her bedroom.

"I went to talk to Killian," Emma says to Elsa through the door. "We agreed it's time for us to be friends."

Elsa gasps and pokes her head around the door. "Really?"

She retreats for a moment and then opens the door again, her eyes wide as she steps toward Emma.

"Emma, this is the best news," Elsa states.

Emma shrugs, laughing a little to herself. She settles one of Henry's toys onto her bed and sits on the edge.

"Henry!" Alistair grunts from the other room.

Her son's giggles echo around the walls and Emma glances over in time to catch a glimpse of a winded Alistair chasing her little boy down.

"I just…" Emma turns to Elsa. "I decided I couldn't keep pushing him away. We're both going through a lot right now, and losing him isn't one of the things I want to cope with, even if he's been out of my life for a long time already."

Elsa smiles lopsidedly and tilts her head onto her shoulder. "Well, I'm proud of you. And happy. It's been awhile since I've seen you smile like that."

Emma closes her eyes on a laugh through her nose and shakes her head. "We're just friends."

"Friends who dated," Elsa reminds her as she has a seat beside Emma.

Emma rolls her eyes. "Elsa just because we dated once doesn't mean we will again."

"Yes, I know, but it just seems to me like a sign. You're back here, together, single, in time to witness your brother get married. Can you think of anything more romantic?"

Emma gives her friend a hard look. "Els, we barely talked earlier. I don't think we know… it's weird."

Elsa hums thoughtfully. "Maybe you just need to _talk_. It's been a long time since you've had a normal, friendly conversation. Think about it- you broke up, then he called and you fought. There hasn't been a lot of kindness between you since then either."

Emma's gut twists and she nods. "Yeah."

"I think you should probably clear the air about your breakup." Elsa says. "Otherwise it'll always bother you."

Emma grimaces at Elsa. "It was-"

Henry comes running into the room and giggles as he stands in front of her. He settles his hands on her knees and she leans forward to lift him into her arms.

As Emma admires her son, she thinks, not for the first time, that her first priority is to make sure Henry has the best life she can give him.

Emma also knows that she'd protect him until her heart stopped beating, so she can't allow a relationship to inform her decisions or to bring any hurt into her life or into Henry's. She has to be careful where it comes to Killian, because Henry already likes him.

"Mama, can we see ducks?" Henry wonders.

Emma laughs. She reaches up to brush back his hair. "I guess so. Do you want to say bye to Auntie Elsa and Uncle Alistair first? Say thanks for watching me!"

Henry does his best to mimic her words, failing only slightly, and it makes all three of the adults laugh at his sweet voice.

Alistair comes into her bedroom and plants a kiss onto Henry's head. "You're welcome, Henry. I love you, bud."

Emma's heart swells at her youngest brother's words and she squeezes her son a little bit tighter because of them. She hopes he feels just as loved as he is.

/

When Killian gets off of work, he immediately goes to shower in his bedroom before he heads on a walk outside. He finds himself standing at the shore again, staring at the ripples in the water while birds quack and chatter.

He's felt lighter than he has in months all afternoon, since Emma came and spent a few minutes of time just being with him. Finally, he feels as if he can take a step forward and try to find a way out of his pit of misery and heartache. Maybe, he thinks, he can find it with Emma.

Obviously their relationship isn't about to plunge into a romance right now. He doesn't feel that ache in his chest that he had years ago when they'd been together, and he's still trying to get over what happened with his ex.

Perhaps he'll spend the rest of his days serving Emma instead of searching for a happy ending anywhere else. Emma is the one thing that feels right, finally, in his spinning, wild world.

"Mama!" a little voice rips him from his thoughts. "Lookit the ducks!"

Henry's giggles bring a light pang to his chest and he turns to see Emma holding Henry's hand as the little boy drags her quickly down the path toward him.

She laughs to herself and then looks up at him. Butterflies tickle his belly and he hesitates as he stands where he does. Henry seems to want nothing more than to talk to him, already babbling excitedly before he lands before Killian.

He drops down to be at eye-level with the toddler and Henry grins at him.

"Hello, Henry," Killian says warmly. "It's good to see you."

"Killy, boat?"

Killian holds his mouth open and looks up at Emma, who just laughs. "Bug, I thought you wanted to feed the ducks."

Henry scrunches up his nose and grabs for Killian's hand.

"Please?" he pleads, though the word sounds adorable in his little voice.

Killian smiles up at Emma and rises to his feet with Henry still holding onto his hand. "Em, you've raised a very polite little lad."

Emma rolls her eyes. "I don't think he's being polite. He's being kind of pushy."

"Hm," Killian narrows his eyes at her playfully. "I wonder where he gets that from."

Emma gasps and shoves at him, causing him to laugh as he walks Henry toward one of the ships bobbing in the lake.

"There's a canal," Killian explains to Emma, even though she didn't ask any questions. "It leads out to the ocean a couple of miles west from here."

Emma hums in understanding. She stands with her hands hanging by her sides, walking behind Henry until she decides to come along side her son.

"Well, this is it," Killian says when they reach The Jewel. "What do you think of my ship, Henry?"

Henry gasps dramatically and bounces up on his toes as he stares at the ship. "Pretty. Like Mommy!"

Killian laughs and Emma blushes just slightly.

"Aye," Killian agrees delicately. "She's very pretty." He stares at his ship for a few moments and then down at the little boy. "Would you like to come aboard?"

"Yes!"

Both he and Emma work together to make sure Henry climbs the ramp without falling over and once Henry stands on the deck of the ship, he keeps staring up at the masts.

He hasn't let go of Killian's hand, which is oddly comforting to him. Emma is just as speechless as her son is.

Henry detaches himself from Killian and goes to Emma, requesting to be lifted up, and she complies with him, smiling softly as they speak in dulled tones.

It's then that he realizes that they need to talk, for real. They had a little bit of conversation earlier today, but things between them are still bumpy and new. He's missed a lot and he wants to catch up to now so it doesn't feel like he's playing a game of standing on the outside looking in.

/

Despite being incredibly swamped with wedding planning, Leo asks if they can have a family night in the game room. No significant others, no friends, just their core family.

Well, and Killian. He's always been family anyway, and Leopold's sympathy toward him matches everyone else's. They don't want him to go to bed alone, feeling as if he doesn't have a place in this castle.

So, they're sitting on the floor, wearing jeans and tee shirts, a cartoon on low in the background for Henry, who sits on Emma's lap while he munches on crackers.

They're playing Uno and Killian's winning.

He wears a triumphant grin on his face and his laughter is low and warm. Sometimes she looks up at him and meets his gaze, bright and content. She wonders if he feels like he's home yet- if their conversation on the dock has changed his perspective on how comfortable he can be here.

"Killy," Henry says, wiggling out of Emma's grasp and crawling over to him.

"Henry," Killian laughs, grunting when the boy plops himself down into his lap.

Emma giggles and hits herself in the face with her cards.

Henry grins up at Killian with a happy look on his face. Killian reciprocates and reaches in to pinch Henry's side until he keels over with deliriously happy laughter.

Emma meets her mother's eyes and her dimpled smile makes Emma roll her eyes ever so slightly.

He's sitting beside her by the end of the night, after Alistair puts on another movie and Henry falls asleep in Killian's arms.

They're on the floor. Killian has an arm around Emma's son and Emma wraps hers around her knees, leaning her cheek against them while she admires the way her little boy clings so easily to Killian.

In the room only illuminated by the flickering glow of the television, Killian puts his arm around her and offers her a tiny smile. She responds in kind and leans back against his shoulder gently.

When the movie is over and everyone says goodnight, Killian carries Henry for Emma and she laughs when he grunts as he settles the little boy down on her bed.

He has crinkles by the sides of his eyes and she almost forgets that this is technically the last place they'd been happy together. It hits her and her smile fades away. So does Killian's.

Killian has a look around her bedroom and reaches up to scratch behind his ear. "It looks the same."

Emma nods. "Yeah. I guess they didn't touch it after I left."

Emma wraps her arms around her and slides her hands up and down before squeezing. Killian is clearly uncertain about what he should do- torn between staying and saying something or leaving.

She takes a deep breath and manages to smile. "Want a hot chocolate?"

He hesitates further and then shakes his head. "No, thank you though. I'd best be going. I'm sure you're tired."

Emma nods in understanding and Killian tilts his head toward the door. "I'll be off. Goodnight."

"Night." She watches him go and then follows after him quickly. "Hey- Killian,"

He turns around and raises his eyebrow. "Hm?"

"Did you have fun tonight?"

"Aye." Killian smiles. "Your boy has quite a lot to say. I could hardly catch up with him when we played tag."

Emma laughs at the memories of the night. "Yeah." She takes a deep breath. "I'm glad you had fun."

He steps toward her and her heart skips a beat, not knowing what he's about to do. To her surprise, he wraps his arms around her and she folds into him easily.

"Thank you for letting me in."

Emma squeezes her eyes shut and she's almost back there when they were younger and in love. He smells just about the same and his warm embrace feels insanely warmer than she remembers.

When he pulls away, Emma feels somewhat lighter. They still stand close enough to touch, but they don't. Instead, they just stare.

"I want to talk." Emma says. "Is it okay if we talk tonight?"

Killian stares at her for a moment before he nods. "I think we're due for it."

She looks over at the couch in her living room and swallows. "I'll make the hot cocoa."

/

"So why do you call him Bug?" Killian asks.

It's about three in the morning and they're both sitting on the couch, though Emma has her legs sprawled out while he sits upright.

They've been talking for a while about the little things that they've missed.

They spent about half an hour talking about the quality of the hot chocolate, which led into a discussion about their favorite kinds of hot chocolate, and subsequently they began talking about the places they've been when they were apart.

She smiles a little at his question and takes a breath.

"I went to my first ultrasound all by myself." Emma presses her fingers against her midsection. "When I saw him on the screen, he was still super small and I blurted out that he looked like a little bug." She laughs and he can't help but do the same. "So I just… kept calling him Bug and I guess it stuck."

Killian hums. He stares up at the ceiling and bites down on his lip. "He's a good boy. I think you should be proud of him."

Emma nods against the pillow under her head and then pushes herself so she's sitting upright on the couch. She draws her legs up and wraps her arms around them.

For a few moments, they stare at each other, and Killian knows that they're both thinking about what they should talk about now, what they really need to, but neither of them seem to be able to find the words.

He clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath as he stares down at his lap, away from Emma. Being here reminds him of so many things- so many vivid memories, mostly good ones, but one or two glaringly bad ones.

"Elsa says we need to talk about our breakup." Emma tells him.

He looks up at her, eyebrows furrowed, and shakes his head minutely. "Elsa says so, huh?"

Emma shrugs. "She's very invested in our friendship."

Killian laughs once. "I… I don't know. I thought it was fairly cut and dry what happened between us."

Emma hums. They continue to stare at one another for a few long moments.

"I was scared," she tells him. "I was scared that we weren't going anywhere. I was scared that because we were best friends and fell in love, I wouldn't ever have that with anyone else." She pauses and laughs softly. "It was stupid. I had pressure on me from my parents and they wanted to see us getting married in no time at all but I-"

"You just weren't sure of who you were." Killian finishes for her. "I understood that, Emma."

He searches her eyes and he's surprised when she reaches for his hand, folding her fingers around his.

"It was good when it was good," she says, as if she's thinking of a far off time.

Killian smiles and nods his head on a heavy breath. "Aye."

Emma removes her hand from his and looks away from him. She manages a smile at him. "Remember when we stayed up all night once watching all of the Star Wars movies because _you_ hadn't seen them?"

Killian cracks a grin, laughing softly. "Of course. I'll never forget that education."

Emma gets up off of the couch and goes to the cabinet beside her television to pull out her box set. She lifts her eyebrows. "What do you think?"

"I think it sounds like more fun than you'll have tomorrow shopping with the ladies."

Emma groans and nods. "Which means we're watching this now and not talking about how my mother is about ready to set me up with any number of suitors that undoubtedly have called since I've been back home."

Killian's chest pangs once with a twinge of jealousy, but he knows Emma isn't about to fall in love with anyone she's been set up with. He also knows it shouldn't matter to him who Emma eventually does marry, because no matter what, he'll always have her friendship. At least, he hopes so.

Emma pops in episode four, explaining that she just doesn't have the energy for the prequels, and then she curls up under a blanket, her head resting against his shoulder while he drapes his arm across the back of her couch.

She makes it through the first half hour before she dozes off, at which point, Killian finds himself doing the same.


	13. Chapter 13

**a/n: I'm back! Thanks to some gentle prodding, a lot of visual inspiration, and wonderful coaching by swans-and-pirates, I managed to write more and I'm so excited! I hope you'll forgive me for the lengthy delay between chapters. I'll be working more diligently on finishing this story from here on out. :)**

* * *

thirteen

"Mommy? Mommy, Killy, Mommy-"

Emma's eyes rip open at the sound of her name and she grimaces when she feels the ache in her neck. The next thing she realizes is that she's slumped against Killian, and Killian is freshly awoken as well.

"Killy and Mommy sleeping," Henry giggles.

Emma licks her lips and keeps her attention on her little boy as he climbs up onto the couch beside them. He crawls into her lap and turns to look at Killian.

"Hi Killy."

Killian clears his throat. "Morning, Henry."

His voice is thick with sleep, reminding Emma all too much of a specific few memories she has of Killian Jones and his sleepy-just-woken-up voice. He rubs his hand over his face and opens his eyes wider.

"Bloody hell, I didn't mean to fall asleep sitting up." Killian mutters in that freshly awoken tone.

"You and me both," Emma sighs.

Henry grins at Emma when she takes her fingers and drags them through his hair. "Cartoons?"

Emma chuckles and cranes her aching neck so she can look at Killian with an arched eyebrow. "You wanna watch cartoons, Killian?"

Killian cracks a sleepy grin and nods his head. "It's the weekend. Why not?"

She has to reach over him to grab the remote from the side table, but thankfully, Killian has quick enough reflexes and grabs it before she can fall into his lap awkwardly and make this situation a hundred times as bad as it already is. He passes her the remote and in their exchanged glances, a blush creeps it's way onto both of their cheeks.

This friendship is still very fresh, even if it isn't new. They might know a lot about one another and might have once been very comfortable in each other's presence, but now it's different.

She tries her best to straighten out her thoughts as she flips mindlessly through the channels until she lands on a cartoon Henry likes.

Her son bounces with excitement and clutches at his stuffed bear that he'd brought to the couch with him. He spends a few minutes in her lap before decidedly joining Killian on his, something that makes Killian laugh lowly.

"What are you doing, Henry?"

Henry scrunches up his nose. "Killy is my friend."

Emma laughs. "Yeah?"

She glances up at Killian. He has a soft smile on his face and he wraps an arm around her son as he lowers his cheek to the top of Henry's head, all while keeping his gaze on the television.

If her heart wasn't already confused, it definitely is now. On a sigh, Emma grabs her phone and stands up to go put on a pot of coffee.

She has a few messages waiting for her, but nothing too pressing. As soon as she puts her phone down and grabs one of her favorite mugs for her coffee, she hears Henry and Killian laugh in unison. It nearly breaks her.

"Hey, Em, are you making coffee?" Killian calls out a moment later.

"Yeah." Emma replies, smiling fondly at the familiarity of it all.

"Could I-"

"Obviously."

When she glances over at the couch, she finds Killian staring back at her with a little wry smile on his lips. He winks at her before returning his attention to the screen.

It only takes a few more minutes for the brew to be complete, and when it is, Emma pours two mugs of coffee, adds sugar and cream to hers, and carries them both back to the couch. She holds out Killian's dark coffee and he lifts his eyebrows in thanks before grabbing it and having an immediate sip.

"Hmm, thanks, love," he says, obviously preoccupied with the cartoon he's watching with her three-year-old.

Emma hums in response and carries her mug with her back into her bedroom so she can make her bed and clean up for the day.

By the time she's showered, dressed, and her hair has been blown dry, it has been about forty-five minutes. She steps out into the living area of her mini apartment and finds the boys stomping around playing cowboys.

Her son is standing on the couch and he keeps shooting finger pistols at Killian, who takes the fire rather dramatically on his way to the ground. He groans and closes his eyes tight.

"Ha!" Henry cheers. "I got you!"

Emma tilts her head at Killian and goes to stand near him. He groans, tossing his arm over his head as his chest rises and falls hard and fast.

"Don't you have to go?" she asks, kicking at his leg playfully.

Killian scoffs through his nose, then claps his hand over his eyes. "That I do, Your Highness, but I was just spending time with your boy while you got ready for the day."

Emma hums and extends her hand for him to take. She arches an eyebrow. "Well, I'm ready."

Her friend laughs and hesitates for a few moments before grabbing her hand to pull himself up. He slides his legs up just as Henry comes running up to tackle him back down.

Emma sighs. Clearly, this game isn't over for Henry and Killian just yet.

"Okay. I'm going to go because my mom is expecting me. Elsa should-" There's a knock at the door before Emma can continue and she nods her head. "There she is now."

Emma crosses the room for the door. She opens it, listening while her son and Killian talk animatedly behind her.

Elsa smiles when she enters the mini-apartment. "Oh! Killian! Hi!"

Emma shoots Elsa a look, but Elsa just smiles smugly and goes to pry Henry from Killian's chest.

"Morning, Elsa," Killian says. He boosts himself off of the ground. He hurries to Emma's side and grins from ear-to-ear in a way that makes her almost blush. "Alright, time to go, then? I'll walk with you."

Henry waves at them. "Bye bye! See you later!"

"See you later, Bug! I love you!" Emma smiles. She waves at her son and he bounces excitedly when she blows him a kiss. He catches it with an extended hand and presses it to his cheek.

"See you later, Henry," Killian says, a warm look on his face.

When they step out of the hall, Emma's heart flutters. It's been an interesting couple of days and here they are- being friendly, walking places together.

The silence, while comfortable, edges on too lengthy. So, desperate for something to say, Emma blurts out, "Hey, we should get dinner or something. Later tonight."

Killian hesitates. "Ah… I've actually got plans. Robin wants me to meet his son tonight."

Her heart sinks. "Oh. Okay." She manages to smile at him. "Sounds like fun."

"Aye," Killian smiles warmly. "He's been like family since I've been back."

Somehow, it stings, as if she hasn't been enough for him. Though, to be fair she's kind of been the worst at keeping things between them consistent enough for him to feel comfortable.

When they reach the main hall, Emma can hear her mother talking animatedly with Alexandra and Ashley, which only makes Emma sigh as she prepares mentally for the onslaught of the day ahead.

"Well, it's been fun," she says wistfully to Killian.

Killian smirks, looking over her shoulder in the direction of her mother's voice. "You talk as if we'll never see one another again."

Emma laughs. She shrugs. "With the wedding planning that's going on? You never know."

Killian hums. He seems to be caught up in studying her. Emma elbows him playfully and takes a few steps backward.

"I'll see you."

Killian smiles and nods. "See you."

/

Killian decides to go for a run during his lunch break instead of eating anything. He listens to his playlist of the day and tries to tune out the world around him as his feet hit the cement.

As usual, he gets a lot of looks and friendly greetings from kingdom fanatics, but at least this time there aren't any reporters wishing to get him to trip up on his words.

Killian slows his run when he gets to the bar and he tugs his earbuds out, twisting them up into a neat circle as he enters.

Robin's cleaning the bar while Will carries boxes into the back kitchen.

"Hey!" Robin says. "Killian, how's it?"

Killian smiles. He takes a heavy breath and sits himself down at the bar. He shakes his head. "Good, actually. Properly good. Emma's started talking to me again and we're… friends."

Robin chuckles at that. "Friends?"

Killian shrugs. His heart skips a beat as his hand reflexively goes to the spot behind his ear. "It's childish, yeah, but it's something. It's enough."

Robin hums. He wears a smile that spreads to his eyes and he stops cleaning. "You're still coming over tonight?"

"Yeah," Killian says. "Yeah, of course. I wouldn't miss it."

"Good. Marian's been very eager to see you again." Robin says. "And of course, Roland."

Killian nods. "I can hardly wait."

/

Robin's quaint apartment above the bar is lovely. The smell of dinner wafts through every room that he's shown on the brief but informative tour, and once he lands in the kitchen, he formally gets introduced to Roland.

"Roland, I want you to meet my friend, Killian." Robin says.

Marian, from her spot at the stove, grins and brushes a hand against the head of hair hiding behind her leg. "Come on, Roland. Meet Papa's friend. He won't bite."

Killian smiles slightly and kneels down, hiding his stump behind him. He digs into his jacket pocket and removes a small token of kindness, a toy train he'd picked up on his way over.

"Hey, Roland, I got you something."

Roland peeks out from behind his mother and then looks up at her. She nods in assent, giving him all the confidence he needs to step away from her, smile, and take the toy ever so delicately from his palm.

"Wow," he breathes in awe. "It's a train!"

The adults chuckle.

Killian nods. "Aye. I wasn't sure if you liked them, but I've got a friend called Henry and he likes toy trains so I thought you might too."

"What do you say, Roland?" Marian prods her son.

Roland grins at him. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome, lad." Killian rises to his feet again and watches as Roland hurries out of the room with his toy train in hand.

Robin clasps his hands together. "Alright, well, now that you've had the tour and met everyone- what do you say we watch some football?"

Killian shrugs. "Alright."

Marian chuckles. "Dinner should be ready very soon, boys. Don't get too into it."

True to her word, dinner's ready within ten minutes of the football match, so they gather at the table with hungry stomachs and light conversation.

Marian smiles at him from across the table. "Robin tells me you're moving here permanently."

Killian hums. "Aye, well, the king gave me a job, so I feel like the universe has made it's mind up about where it wants me."

Marian laughs gently. "That's right. We visited your ship."

"Yeah," Killian nods. He twists his spaghetti noodles on his fork and momentarily struggles with it before lifting it to his lips.

"Well, there are plenty of apartments in the area." Robin says. "Maybe one of these days we could help you find something."

Killian finds the idea appealing. While he appreciates living at the castle with all that it affords, he also finds it slightly uncomfortable sharing a living space with Emma, even if they're rooms apart and on good terms. He just doesn't want to ruin things. They're finally at a good place.

"Yeah, that might be good. I'll let you know when I've got free time."

Robin hums and nods. Silence follows and Killian looks down at Roland when he tells his mother he needs to go to the bathroom. She dismisses him and he grins at Killian before he slips around the table and to the bathroom down the hall.

"So how are things with Emma?" Marian wonders. Killian looks up at her, eyes wide. Marian smiles slightly and tips her head toward her husband. "Robin's told me a lot."

Killian has another bite of his dinner and licks his lips as he considers his response. "Ah… we've actually been doing well. We've agreed to put the past behind us and we're friends again."

Marian gasps and her eyes widen slightly. "Really? That's wonderful, Killian."

He can't help but smile too. "Aye, yeah. I'm glad we've been able to be friends again."

For a few moments, they eat in a pleasant quiet, the only other sound music coming from the speakers of the television that Robin had set up just before they gathered at the table for spaghetti.

"So do you think it'll go anywhere?" Marian asks.

Killian takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "No, I don't. I don't think she wants that and I don't think I'm ready." He smiles in spite of himself. "I'm lucky she's in my life at all."

Marian relaxes understandingly. She nods. "She's a very kind person."

"That she is."

/

Henry has been asleep for an hour when Emma slips out of her bedroom in search of something to do.

She's a little restless after spending her afternoon buried in research and plans for her potential future foundation. She'd spent the morning overwhelmed with her mother and Alex, but they thankfully took the rest of the day to themselves, leaving Emma to her thoughts about the way Killian had boosted her self confidence about what she wants to do.

Her brain is a little tired now, but her stomach growls, and as she turns into the kitchen, she finds that she's not the only one grabbing an after-dinner snack.

Leo and Alistair are sitting at the middle island with bowls of sugary cereal in front of them. They're both in their most casual clothes and bare feet. Leo's wearing a pair of thick-rimmed black glasses reminiscent of her own pair. The boys both grin toothily at the sight of her.

"Em!" Leo cheers. He has a cheekful of Cocoa Puffs and a spoon in his hand. "What are you doing out of your room at this hour of the night?"

Emma laughs and rolls her eyes. "I know, it's weird. I'm usually holed up in my room." She grabs a stool and slings it around the island across from her brothers. "Ali, grab me a bowl from behind you."

Alistair's already on it, twirling around and reaching above his head to get her a pristinely white bowl that he sets down on the island.

Emma pulls open the drawer near her on the island and grabs a spoon from the tray before shutting it closed. She takes the box of cereal on the tabletop and pours herself an ample amount before she adds milk and digs her spoon into the bowl.

She has a bite and looks up at the boys.

"You don't have to stop talking just because I'm here," she teases.

Leo has another spoonful of his cereal and then leans back slightly. He folds his muscular arms to his chest and licks his lips. "Elsa told me Killian stayed the night in your room."

Emma rolls her eyes and her shoulders fall. "Of course she did."

"Is, uh… anything going on there we should know about?"

Alistair lifts his eyebrows at her curiously when she looks at him for support, as if he can offer her any at all.

She laughs it off. "No. We're friends. Last night he came over to talk and we ended up just falling asleep on the couch. No funny business."

Leo hums skeptically. "Alright, well, you let me know if that changes because I'm ready to give him a black eye if he hurts you again."

Emma can't help the feeling of pride that wells up in her chest. She knew her brothers loved her, but she hadn't realized to what degree. Both of them stare at her with reverence, as if they would do anything to make sure she was happy and healthy.

"Well, no black eyes necessary, Leo." Emma assures her brother. "Because nothing's going to happen. We're being adults about it."

Leo gives her a wry grin and snorts at the back of his throat as he leans in again. He scoops up a spoonful of cereal and chews as he says, "Don't tell Dad that."

Alistair chuckles under his breath.

Emma has a few bites of cereal in silence and then looks up at the boys again. "Hey, do you guys remember when we were younger and we'd prank Mom and Dad?"

Leo and Alistair both laugh at memories that light up their eyes. They turn toward one another.

"Oh man, do you remember that time you planted bug cutouts in the lampshades?" Leo asks.

Alistair laughs. "What about the time Emma swapped out their dessert for styrofoam and they actually tried to eat it?"

Emma laughs. She shakes her head. "What about the time we rigged Dad's phone and intercepted his calls and texts?"

"Your Majesty, I wonder if you need a cough drop. Your voice sounds strange." Alistair mimics.

All three of them can't stop laughing. It reminds Emma of when they were younger, all three of them in one place at the same time like this. So much has changed, but their sibling bond hasn't faded.

"Oh my God, we were awful kids, weren't we?" Leo asks. He lifts his bowl of milk to his lips and drinks it down.

"Yeah, we were," Emma confirms. "As a mom, I think I can say so with confidence."

Alistair smiles at that. He finishes off his cereal and sets his bowl aside. "Do you guys want to go do something? It's been awhile since we've just hung out."

Leo grins at the idea and lifts his eyebrows in her direction, as if leaving the whole thing up to her. She tilts her head and rolls her eyes.

"What do you want to do, Ali?"

Alistair shrugs. "We could… try checking something off the list."

Leo's eyes narrow at their younger brother. "The list? You still have it?"

The youngest shrugs, grinning mischievously. "Yeah. Of course I do. What'd you think I'd do with it?"

"I don't know," Leo admits. "I guess I thought our glory days were behind us."

"Far from it." Alistair removes his phone from his pocket and taps the screen a few times. "Okay, we have… sneak into a concert using our celebrity."

Emma winces at the idea. "Not tonight."

Leo hums. "What else you got?"

"Oh, we could go to the roof and set off fireworks."

Emma laughs. "Didn't we do that already?"

"No, we went to the roof to do it but Dad stopped us." Leo reminds her. "Something about responsibility now that we were getting to be adults."

She smiles and has another bite of cereal. "Okay. Let's do it."

Both of the boys laugh giddily and Leo spins himself off of his stool. "I'll go get the goods."

Emma collects all of the bowls and spoons and realizes that she truly is the oldest, always trying to make sure things are cleaned up and accounted for.

"What's that about goods?"

An immediate and terrified silence befalls them. Emma turns, eyes widening, at the sight of her father standing there, a gentle smile on his lips.

"Hi… Daddy," she grins at him. "We were just talking. Leo was going to set up the Nintendo in the upstairs sitting room in our wing so we could play Mario Kart."

Their father seems skeptical, holding that eerily calm expression as he folds his arms to his chest. "Uh huh."

"Come on, Dad, you can come with. But you're not going to be my partner. I call Emma." Leo says, clapping their father on the arm.

"Thanks, but no thanks." He goes to the pantry door. "I was just grabbing a snack. I'm working on a surprise for Mom's birthday."

Emma takes the bowls from the island and puts them into the sink to be washed. Then, she turns back toward her brothers as their father grabs a bag of pretzels.

"It's good to see you guys spending time together." he says, a gentle glow in his eyes as he looks each of them in the eyes. "It feels like it's been forever since I've heard so much laughter from the three of you."

Emma's heart warms. She smiles and goes to her father, pressing a hand on his chest so she can kiss his cheek.

"Night, Dad." Emma whispers.

Her father's smile is sweet. She's missed him like this, in his evening clothes and relaxed posture, grabbing a snack to help him get through a project. "Goodnight, Emma."

He waves at the boys and then slips out of the kitchen, leaving Emma with her brothers, all of them staring at each other.

"Well, that was close." Alistair says on behalf of them all.

Emma laughs once. "Yeah." She nibbles on her lip. "Maybe… maybe we save the fireworks for another day?"

"Yeah, I was going to say..." Leo drags his fingers through his hair, messing it up on purpose. He shrugs his shoulders and slaps his leg with his hand when it falls away from his head. "Uh… so, Mario Kart? You guys want to?"

"I'm game." Alistair shrugs.

Emma takes a breath. "Yeah. As long as you guys don't mind losing because I'm so good."

Leo and Alistair both laugh. "Yeah, right."

They migrate out of the kitchen together, teasing and laughing the whole way, and Emma finds that it's not a hard sell to keep her here. She loves her brothers more than anything and she hates that she's had to be apart from them, that she's had to miss so much of their lives with her absence.

Any part of her that had been doubting whether or not sticking around after the wedding has switched sides as she sits with her brothers in the sitting room, all three of them yelling and laughing with each lap of the race on screen.

It's fun, getting to relax and forget the worries on her plate. It's always fun when she's with them.

Henry would have so much fun with his uncles when he gets older too.

Emma glances at her brothers as she races them to victory for the umpteenth time, finding that fondness rising up inside of her that makes her want to hug each of them and kiss their cheeks. She won't, not just yet.

The feeling pulls at her heart and begs her to stay here after the wedding. She thinks about what it would be like, getting to spend time with her brothers like this all the time, albeit a bit less with responsibility and Leo being married, but she'd get to see them more often. So would Henry.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she stuck around.


End file.
